Future plans

I'm a bit kay-poh lately so just let me release my stim and rant to my satisfaction, ok?

If you are a frequent reader, you would have realized by now that this year spells disaster for me. I'm jobless, penniless, useless, helpless, hopeless, partner-less, fruitless and yes. The list goes on. You can add on whatever '-less' ending word that you can think of. I believe they will suit me just fine.

The last blow was the departure of my Daddy to be with God. Awww. And before I realized it, I have more or less learn to accept this great lost, all within the span of 1 year. Am I just damn strong and tough or am I just heartless?

Frankly, I don't know the answer. But one thing I do know is that I have to move on. It pains me not being able to contribute to my family in this time of dire needs. My joy of eating has dissipated (whatever left of my appetite is just mere shows to cover up my heartache) and I have shed off the plumpness from my body. My mind is always filled with money money money. Hence, the silly money post just now, ahaks!

I need a job where I can be close to my family and be there for Mum 24/7. I cannot do outstation jobs and I do believe I've turned down more than enough share of jobs to get my name blacklisted in the market. Problem is, most developments are done in rural areas and that spells o-u-t-s-t-a-t-i-o-n. That's kind of a taboo word for Mum cause Daddy used to do outstation jobs thus didn't spend much time with us. Plus, I have the same profession as Daddy so practically speaking, that is like adding salt to open wounds. Mummy cried again this morning when signing the name transfer of properties documents. T_T

While searching for a job, I reckon it would be good to get back to writing. My blog is kinda messy after months upon months of neglect. I do hope it can generate an income sufficient to get me by, at least for the moment while I work on stuffs.

By now I'm already so dehydrated watching with my own eyes how all of my hard work went down the drain. It's high time for a change.

Still, changing is difficult, especially in the midst of ... well, hell? By the very least, I can truly enjoy blogging. I love writing but I've noticed how darkly my writings were as of late. I can't really help it, what with all those unfortunate shits happening in my life and all. But I'm trying to tone things down and focus on more, educational stuffs.

I'd probably sign up with nuffnang too. And go back to reading blogs. I haven't read blogs in ages. When was the last time I read a blog? 4 or 5 months ago? I did drop by michaelooi.net cause his blog uploads fast without pictures. And his posts certainly entertained me.

Currently trying to decide whether to do Master in Business Administration, or Master in Management, Master in Project Management or Master in Science or Master in Engineering. Then there's the University selection process to ponder on.

*smiles*

I'm really trying to get my life back on track. Believe me. Picking up all the broken pieces and stitching them up together is no easy task. First task is trying to cry less. In my case, it's more or less accomplished, except for the occasional burst of tears. I wish I could rip out my tear ducts. That way, nobody can tell that I'm crying. Or had been crying. Haha

Well, if you have any tips on how to make money from home then do let me know. I do need the cash badly and I'm sure you can judge from my writings that I am, capable of writing! ;P

Better days ahead?

Lately I have been more complacent. Is that the right adjective to use? I'm not sure. Maybe it is wrong to say that I'm 100% complacent, but I did say I have been more complacent. That surely counts as an improvement, no?

Why did I say this? Well, I used to brood over every little things that upset me. I had so much pent up stress, I believe it is enough to explode and cover half of Sarawak with hot, molten lava. Yes, I miss Daddy very much and yes, I have so many regrets. So many things not accomplished. I haven't got a bf, get engaged, get married, have kids, build a family. My career has not reached its peak at all. I have not given Daddy the happiness of having a son-in-law or grandchildren. And I'll never have that chance. I'll never see him smiling at me ever, telling me how proud he is of me and how everything will turn out right and okay. I'll never hear him sigh again, or how excitedly he tells all of us about his latest purchase of Rolex watches, antiques, DSLR cameras, binoculars or even telescopes. I'll never hear his laughter or devilish chuckle of delight against our antics. I'll never talk to him, hug him or tell him how much I love him. I'll never get to tell him to just let go of his work and come home sooner, quicker and more frequently. I'll never get to call him and complaint about everything. I'll never have someone like him to ask about advice or anything ever. I really miss him. And tears rolled down my face even as I'm typing this.

But now it's different. There is peace from within. There is no anger nor sadness. Just longing and acceptance. Regrets I'll learn to live with. And I will be stronger. I'm deeply comforted that Daddy did not suffer while departing from this world. I'm somewhat glad that we did not see this coming at all. Life is such a mystery. We never know what we had until we have lost it. We always took things for granted. Never cherishing them while they are still there. How can we be so ignorant?

Recently I've watched TV, youtube, anime and countless of movies. I've dug up all of my mp3 collections and listened to them, remembering why I loved those songs, and love them still now. I'm marvelled at how much feelings I had then, for music and anime. How much I treasured letters, and tiny little gifts friends give me. I never threw them away. My room is packed mostly with books and stuffs dating back to my childhood days. I still have the RC car that Daddy bought me for my 4 year old birthday. If I can find the battery that suits it and plug it in, it'll definitely run like it was brand new. I still had drawings I drew when I was 14. I never wanted to throw them away. To me they were precious. I cannot bear losing them, not seeing them ever again.

That sounds silly doesn't it? How many people does that anyway? It's such a waste of time and room area. Pua Chu Kang's wife Rosie once scolded him, 'Keep keep keep! Can turn into gold meh?'. That phrase rang so true. Sure, these things won't turn into gold, but it is the feelings engraved that makes it priceless. It is the memories that makes things meaningfull. It is the song that was playing at that particular moment that brings back the memories of yesteryears. Somehow you can't help but being transported back into that time, that moment, that place. Somehow you cannot help but remembering all of your feelings, senses, thoughts and wishes then. It was magical.

For me, I'll always carry all these wonderful memories with me. I may curse and scream and shout and threaten to kill every morons in the world that gets in my way but the truth is, I am a softy at heart. I get angry easily because I'm sensitive. I feel so much, so strongly that it is unbearable not to show any response whatsoever. Over the years though, I've learned to keep things to myself. Things no one would understand. I stopped expecting anyone to understand. I stopped hoping someone would. It is better to let go and move on. Life seems easier that way. I can breath more easily. Not some laboured breath clouded with disgust that no one seems to understand.

So what now? I wanna live life to its fullest. I don't stop living just because something bad happened. I'm tough. And I will go on writing. Come to think of it, I haven't written much in the past few years. I read some of my earlier postings years back and I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of my postings. Some of them were so angry and dark, but surprisingly funny in its own little manner. I longed for the time when I used to write about cute, happy stuffs. I miss those times when nothing seems to worry me and troubles would just go away if I wished for them hard enough. I will survive. Somehow.

Am I comforting myself? In a way, perhaps I am. And for those who has ever felt the way I felt, take heed - if you can live through this, then you shall emerge stronger. We are molded, trained into stronger beings through various life experiences. Someday, we'll make those who meant a lot to us proud. This is life. The better days are yet to come. I'll wait till that day comes. Would you?

p/s: Pa, I love you and always will be. You are the greatest Dad alive and if I'm ever given the chance to choose, I'll always want you to be my Daddy, thousands of lifetimes over. No one can replace you. That's how precious you are to me. So rest in peace and don't worry about us. Luv ya!

2009's nightmares... (Part 1)

Warning : Very long and emo post. Get lost now if you can't deal with it.

Just got back from a week long trip to Sibu with my family and Uncle. It was supposed to be a vacation of some sort. Turns out that it pumps more pressure into my system or perhaps I was on the verge of explosion.

The trunk road was packed full of morons who drive recklessly, as if the whole stretch of the bloody road belongs to their idiotic parents. You wondering why I called them morons and idiots? Who the fuck drove 30 or 40 km per hour on a highway road? And yeap, they have 13 cars following them up closely, each of them having cooked up enough temperatures to melt a steel! I am one of those who had boiling blood. And I would have just run down those sorry excuses of assholes if I was driving a 20 foot trailers to boot. The morons always switch ON my anger button. Without fail. Ptuiiii!

Maybe I've gone crazy due to over-depression or disappointments. Nothing seems right. Everything has gone wrong. Everything that looks promising, good and feasible has gone terribly wrong. My disappointments gave birth to suicidal thoughts. Funnily enough, I actually considered, seriously, considering the idea of committing suicide; should I hang myself? swallow 1000 tablets of pills? drink pesticide? but pesticides are yucky, so I most probably won't do that. jump off a cliff? or river? or building? would Wisma Sanyan be high enough to give me the last few seconds of exhilarating joy of killing myself? maybe an accident is better, but then I don't want to drag other innocent people into my mess.. perhaps driving a car off the cliff? Too costly. Damn. I can't even decide on methods of committing suicide, let alone the act of committing suicide. Dang!

By now you must have asked yourself, what is the matter with this girl? What could be so bad that she can't handle it? Hmm.. since I haven't been blogging much, perhaps I should list them here, just for the heck of it.

1. Several deals I worked on has gone rotten.
Oookay... that's no biggie, rite? Rite. I thought so myself. I can always work on new deals. Better deals. Improvise. Yeap. I can do that.

2. Business kanasai (means like shit!).
This one's peanut also. No biggie. The economy is really bad now and many people out there are either just recently retrenched, fired, or un-employed. I am currently considered un-employed too. Never mind lar. Won't die what. Right? Right.

3. Mum slipped and fractured her right wrist.
Shit. This is terrible. The fracture was so bad, she needed an operation. To make things worse, it was on her right wrist - she's right handed and that means she uses her right hands a lot. To top that up, it was costly. Normal fractures requires internal fixation. Simply explained, you re-attach all the fractured bones together, screw them up with bolts and nuts or whatever it is that the surgeons use, and voila it would hold and on the way to recovery. Not in my mother's case. At this stage, we found out that she had osteoporosis. =.='' If the above-mentioned procedure is carried out, her bones would fracture into smaller fragments due to extreme porosity. T_T So, external fixation must be done, and it is more expensive and painful but heals faster.

I will blog about the operation in other posts so I'll cut the story short here. Since the operation she needed 6 weeks time for the bones to grow back and to have the external fixation released. In that 6 weeks time, we took turn taking care of her. I stayed with her most of the time cause I wasn't working full time and my time is more flexible. She needed help bathing, changing clothes, grooming and everything else in between that you can think of. I paid the bills, water the plants, ran errands, became her driver and did some of the house chores. My sisters took care of the rest house chores. During those time, we grew extremely tired and she, extremely agitated. She cried a lot, because she was in great pain and her hand was so swollen it hardly resembled a hand. I drove her practically everywhere to 'makan angin' cause Mum loves it and I enjoyed doing it. It took her mind away, just for a while.

6 weeks after the operation it was time to have the external fixation removed. It was such an ordeal I could not help but wince each time she grimaced from the pain. Out came the tears and blood (from her wound). I felt like my heart was out in my hands. The removal was done without any anesthetic and Mum said she could feel the steel grinding with her bones before being removed.

Then came the physiotherapy which is even more painful than before. Since Mum had not moved her right hand and wrist in 6 weeks time, it has gone really stiff and weak. She could not even hold a spoon to feed herself. Physiotherapy is needed to get it back to its normal functions. Again, lots of emo-ing and tears came pouring out and I accompanied her in and out of hospital on weekly basis. The physiotherapy sessions was done twice a week and each of them lasting about 1 to 1.5 hours. It was complete torture and my mum dreaded it.

If you think that's the end, my answer is no. More is to come. Read on.

4. My savings dried up.
By this time, a huge hole has burnt through my savings account. I bought a new pc cuz my laptop died on me and I still have to pay for my car installments. By this time I had only enough to sustain my car's installment. I don't have to pay the loan anymore in another few months time. Petrol is a killer nowadays. I need cash flow terribly. My dad offered financial support several times but I stubbornly turned him down. I can manage on my own, I told him. But deep inside, I was touched with his generosity and compassion. He may disagree with me on many issues, but he supported my decisions in silence and somehow, from deep within, I know he's somewhat proud of me. I'm like a son to him.

5. Friends kanasai (means like shit!).
I have several retard of a 'friends' who insisted that I buy branded presents for them even though they knew I wasn't earning anything. They thought that just because I wasn't working, I'm rich. Dang!

6. Trembling fingers...
My fingers swells on and off with great pain. Sometimes they tremble uncontrollably on their own accord, as if they had just been electrocuted. Using chopsticks became a nuisance. I could not carry heavy things. a 2kg bag feels like 20kg to me. Deep inside, I was greatly depressed. The disappointments and failures upon failures were chopping me, slicing me up deeply, without mercy. I grew tired of hoping, of believing that everything will be all right. It feels like I'm never entitled to success. By then, I couldn't even help my mum in her physiotherapy sessions. I couldn't massage her hand and fingers because doing so inflict similar pains in my own hands. I felt so useless.

7. My dad... passed away suddenly.
This... came as an utter shock. Dad was in good health. He was working, breathing, very much alive. I was getting ready to fetch him from the airport when I got a call from him. I thought it was him. It wasn't. It was a call from his colleague, informing us of the terrible truth. That was the shocking news. He had left us. For the first time in my life, my heart stopped beating. I stopped breathing. Time stopped. No God. No. Not now. Not yet. Why???

My mind could not comprehend. I drove numbly back home while consoling my mum in the car. She was already crying. Bad things happened one after another. Before it was her, now it's Daddy. Maybe it's a prank. Maybe they made a mistake. Maybe it's someone else. Maybe his phone got stolen. Maybe maybe maybes...

I did not shed a tear until the confirmation came. Yes. He had left us to be with Lord. I refused to acknowledge it. I refused to accept it. We packed in a frenzy. I gathered all of my sisters, and drove to Sarikei, regardless of my swollen, burning, painful fingers. That was the worse day of my life.

8. Ex-employer(s) kanasai (means like shit!).
Not long after Daddy's funeral, I received news of employment. My ex-employer seemed to be in favour of hiring me. I thought this was the light at the end of the dark, treacherous tunnel. Perhaps, the cloud will finally part ways and allow the ray of light, of hope to enter my life again. That, wasn't the case.

I found out soon enough that there were conflicts in the employment process. Dark, untrue rumors threatened to ruin my reputation, and they did. I can only pray that God will avenge me for these people had wronged me. They blamed me for their mistakes and incompetence and lost of profit. They created untrue stories, lies upon lies to cover up their ugly truths. The job slipped through my fingers.

9. Relatives kanasai (means like shit!).
Daddy's brothers had the nerve to tell us that we should simply buy the cheapest casket cause he's dead anyway so no point in wasting so much money. We refused and insisted on the best. It was our last chance to buy things for Daddy, our last chance to pay our respects, his last resting place. He had given us so much and we were told to give him as little as possible upon his departure? I could not do that. Not even with a gun pointed at my head. My sisters refused too. Mum wanted the best for Daddy and we all agreed.

Straight after Daddy's funeral ceremony, we headed home. As I had mentioned in one of my previous blog, we had just recently moved into a new house. It is a double storey semi detached house, newly renovated with modern designs and landscaped garden. Not only that, the rest of Daddy's brothers and their families had moved into new houses respectively due to a newly developed piece of land that grants each of them a new house. When they reached our house though, two of my Uncles rushed all over the house inspecting it. Then they rushed upstairs to look at the bedrooms, totally ignoring our dumbfounded looks. They did not even asked for permission to go upstairs. How could they do this? Is this the time for house watching? Don't they care how we feel? Are we statues? Their actions revolted me greatly. I do not want to have anything to do with them in the future.

Those incidents above really burn me alive. Until now, I have not settled down. Life was tough, but this feels like it's climbing a never-ending tough stairs. My mind is still a ball of huge, entangled messy ball with everything jumbled up, packed and highly compressed together. I cannot see straight, think straight. My mind is a raging ocean, the winds are howling, it was cold and dark. I was groping around. I have lost my way, my grip. Everyday was lifeless. This is difficult. I hate this year. I hate the year of golden ox. I'll never forget this fucked up year. I wish I could teleport myself out of this place, this time, this instance. This year sucks and everything in it sucks. When will I see a glimpse of hope? I do not know. I cannot concentrate on anything, and yet I need to settle down. Tell me, what should I do? I feel like such a moron myself for asking that question. Perhaps I have uttered the phrase way too many times, it has somehow etched itself into my life. Maybe I should start asking for a miracle instead, but I doubt that will happen. This is the beauty of life, it is ugly. And one can only knows the meaning of beauty AFTER you have known ugly, because without knowing ugly, there is no way for you to recognize beauty even when you see one. Am I making sense or am I not? This is how my brain looks like right now. Kanasai!

To be continued...

This is life...

Warning - emo post. You'll be getting lotsa emo posts as of late. I can't hold them in anymore.

~~~

I popped back up again. And this time for good reason. During my absence, I've noticed several followers tagging me. Being a bit blur myself, I am unsure to the reason why they tagged me, because most of them are from twitter. I remember removing twitter box from my blog due to some problems (I can't remember exactly what, oh dear). Then I found out that I added my blog address to my twitter, so I figured whoever added me must have noticed my blog somehow. I'm a klutz. I don't even remember doing that. But people are still reading my blog, albeit the number is somewhat small.

Life has been EXTREMELY rough this year. In fact, the Golden Ox year is the worst year in my whole life (no kidding). I've been through so much, the experiences are making me numb to the very core.

I had wanted to blog about them, but I'm not ready yet. Right now, I'm ready to blog again, but I won't talk about them till I'm ready. What this literally means is that I'll be blogging about anything else but these until I am ready. Hmm... this is confusing, no?

I used to think that life is useless, meaningless existence. You're born into this world, eat, play and sleep, grows up, studied half dead, then worked your ass off only to find that suddenly you're an old, dried up wrinkled raisin that's equivalent to being dead. So you played, worked, lived and died. And along came pain, anger, sadness, happiness, and all those craps in between. So what?

At the tender age of 10, my conclusion of life is that human kinds are better off dead, this world totally wiped out, leaving a total darkness to befall this empty space. That spells peace, somehow. Right?

10 years later I found a new meaning to life. No words can describe that.

Another 10 years later, I am like : Oh fuck, everybody is better off dead anyway, including me. There's just too much pain. Damn.

Perhaps I am being too emotional. Oh yeah, I am sensitive. Straightforward. I said the truth even when it hurts. But hell, who the fuck appreciates that. =.=''

I hope God's new kingdom comes quick. At this point, the Humans are beyond help. The Ga-Men is corrupt. The Politeeshens are idiots and law exists to protect the bad people. Mou Ngan Tai.

Life SUCKS!!!

Blocked again?

I've got a problem. I think. I'm having problem thinking up the title for the post I'm making. Is that a sign that my brain is slacking or am I just being plain plain lazy?

=P

I don't know. I hope someone will tell me. I'd appreciate that very very much.

How's your day today? Mine is... hectic. It's frustrating to realize that no matter how tired I am, I just can't afford to divert my eyes elsewhere for even a nanosecond cuz everything starts falling apart the moment I took a breather.

T_T

That is just so so so dreadful. Wei.. I'm not a robot. I'm human also. Why can't I rest? Why can't things just fall into place for just even once? Why is it that I always have to be at the heart of things???

If I have to keep doing all those things I've been doing all these while non-stop, I'm sure my heart will stop beating at the tender age of 30s.

Both my mobile phones batteries went flat before I even reach home today. Too many calls, too many sms-es, too many updates. Does that mean I better go buy another phone? You know, to act as backup. And I have to keep at least 5 pieces of RM50 reload cards in my wallet. I once reloaded RM130 on the spot and it was still not enough. Oh dear. My pocket is emptying fast. I'll start eating grass very very soon. T_T . If my deal is not sealed. Soon. *sigh*

One of my deal is getting really close to being sealed. I hope it seals tonight. Then I can relax for a bit and maybe try and get back to my normal sleeping pattern. Damn deal is killing me. Shhh.. sorry, can't tell you what deal it is about but I assure you.. it's definitely not drugs. Hahaha.. it is a legal deal and I'm just being a bitch for not telling you. At the same time, I want to experience for myself the thrills of keeping secrets. I used to be very transparent, honest and trustworthy. The thing is, I always have to keep secrets for my friends and not the other way around. I don't have much secrets to keep anyway cause I always tell people things but at least, this time, I want to keep this a secret.

Are you dying to know what's the secret deal now?

Kekeke..

I

AM

NOT

telling

you...

^___~

Catching up or not??

Yo! Just popped in to tell you all that I'm still alive and kicking. ^_~

And yep. I do remember my promise on updating you guys on what happened during my absense. I'll just start writing and relate to them once in a while, okay?

And gosh! It's Tuesday already! One more day and it will be Public Holidays.

I can't wait for the holidays to arrive. With Thursday being Prophet Muhammad's birthday (did I get this right?) and Friday being a Good Friday, followed closely by Saturday and Sunday spells good news for me. Four straight days off work. I really can't wait.

I need my rest. Preeetttyyy badly.

I know I work too much. Too hard. Non-stop in fact. One flip of my diary and you'll notice that I have the entire month of March marked black, blue and red with pens and highlighters. That sounds bad enough? No it's not. I had it worse with all the bloody last minute cancellations by damn shitty clients. Cancellations, postpones, rebooking and all the hassle of rescheduling.

I beh tahan anymore.

Yesterday, I literally exploded over one petty issue. Yes. It's a petty issue. I won't dwell on the details, but the fact is, I can't stand ppl messing up on petty issues. It's so simple, there's no hassle, the person doing it doesn't have much work to do at all, and tell me please, how can they messed it up?

I can understand it if they messed up due to work overloads, but trust me, this fellow just sits there swinging her feet from side to side 7/24. I'm frigging amazed that she managed to screw up. And there she was, in my room, seeking empathy.

Guess what I did?

I opened fire.

Don't get me wrong ppl. If I empathized her, that won't be the last of it. There shall be 2nds, and thirds and more and more after that. I can't afford it, really.

Besides, whatever she does, it's slowing my progress and dragging me down. I hate that the most! I don't want my performance to be stalled by an incompetent fool who's wise enough to mess up especially at such a vital moment!

Aside from that, I had quite a good day yesterday. It was somebody's birthday and we ended up getting free lunch and dinner. The good food somehow calms me down emotionally but alas, in the dieting department it's really a big NO NO.

Oh by the way, have I told you that I managed to slim down? I'm not as fat as I used to be, but I still haven't reached my ideal weight and waistline of 2 years back. Gotta do more exercises.

Although I'd like to rant more, I guess I can't because my work is piling up. I'll probably peek in again tonight if I feel like it and my mood is good.

Till then, you'll have to go by with just these as updates. Have a good day everyone!

does my blog lack anything?

You know. Occasionally, question like this jumps out of nowhere. I can't escape from it. As much as I don't mind, this question never fails to amuse me. Yeah, I guess curiosity kills the cat. But I'm not a cat, so does that apply still? Haha...

I went to the Mdm. Tang cafe for a lunch gathering with a couple of my friends today. Well, we're supposed to have 6 peps (including me) but well, the other couple couldn't make it cause they were sick (or at least 1 of them was sick, is sick...) and the other one had to go back to Sibu. Although it's just the three of us, we had a nice long chat from everything to anything. It was great. I miss a good talk with fellow friends. It's a good form of stress relief.

They even teased me to take pics of the food that we ordered so that I can post them up in my blog. I know I know. My blog is really kinda dead. Quite dead.

My digicam was perched somewhere in my room. Collecting dust. My passion in photography died quite sometime ago. Hmmm. I wonder what killed it?

They even gave me a hint : Pictures! Post more pictures!! That's the only thing your blog lacks of!!!

-_-'' I don't know why guys, and I hate it but it seems that I'm the only one who has the utter misfortune AND inability to access blogger.com be it to post new writings or just upload pictures. Sometimes, it took me days just to access my account and by the time I managed to do so, I've totally forgotten what I wanted to write cause I was so pissed off.

And I hardly get comments because most of my readers have such horrible experiences trying to comment on my posts (they told me themselves... ;_;). I guess that's another turn off eh? *sigh*

Besides, I haven't been blogging as much as I'd have preferred.

I just realized that I've worked too hard. I travel too much. I'm too tired to be able to do anything once I finished my tasks. I've used every single cell in my brain to memorize, to remember, to adjust and re-adjust all the activities, rescheduling and keeping track of all the shits at work. I've sapped my stamina and energy dry by worrying about trivial matters that won't earn me even an extra cent. So much so that I hardly have time to socialize. I hardly have time to blog. I hardly have time to stop and chat, to know what's going on around me. I hardly have time to go shopping. I hardly have time for anything fun or relaxing.

I miss the time when I had the chance to play badminton with my friends. I miss the outings, I miss the yam cha sessions with them. I miss the chats. The gossips!! Going to cinema for a movie. Taking a brief walk in the garden. Gatherings and gatherings and more gatherings. With friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, old friends and etc etc.

Gosh I feel like a zombie. I sound as if I don't have a life. I sound so dead and mundane. Now, who the hell would want to read my blog the way it is?

Are you sure you are reading what I'm writing? You didn't come here by accident? Like you really come to check out on what I write?

Awww... thanks. Whether you genuinely care for me or you're just dropping by cause you're kaypoh and you want to find out the latest news and gossips, whoever you are, tenkiu.

Now now. Are you pissed that you read all this nonsense just to get me saying thank you to you? Be grateful now okay! At least I said thanks!!!

Aaaa... gomen. I'll think up of something. It appears that I need some adjustments to my own life. So gimme some time to put things back the way I want them to be. If you decided that you like my kinda crap, then come back often. You don't have to tell me who you are. The numbers of visitors are sufficient enough.

Thank you.

*bows low low*

recovering

Yo! I'm making slow progress, but I'm recovering from the food poisoning.

Will post more once I feel better....

food poisoning..

Gasp! They poisoned me! They did! They did!

Who else but the Philippines... gosh!

I was feeling extremely uncomfortable after having lunch with them at 1.30 PM yesterday. The assault started full swing at 4++ PM. I had diarrhea and vomited non-stop since 4.45 PM yesterday till 4 AM this morning. Wah lao eh!!! Talk about drastic fat-riddance. It's a good thing I'm made tough, unlike some sotong out there. But still, it's taking its toll on me.

I'm sleep deprived. I haven't taken anything since lunch at 1.30 PM yesterday till 10 AM this morning. To tell you the truth, I was actually starving but I stopped myself from eating anything because I know all of them will ended up in the toilet bowl. The food will be churned in my stomach (making matters worse for me) and then dumped out of my system thru diarrhea (more time in toilet) or vomit (also more time in the toilet). If this goes on for 3 days in a row, I'll definitely see my dream slim figure pretty soon.

But NO!!! I can't stand that! I won't have this! This is PURE torture! I'd rather be fat than suffer through this. This countless lau sai episode is killing me! It seems like I spent more time with the dang toilet bowl than in the bed! Heck, I'm starting to smell like toilet itself. Ewwww!!!! Pui!

I woke up at 6 AM today and the first thing I did was rush all the way to the toilet. Lau sai again. Wah piang eh! Die lor like this.

I kept doing that till 8.30 AM. Even as I checked out from hotel... even after putting all my luggages in the car... I rushed all the way back to the hotel to lau sai. UGH!

Sped all the way to the pharmacy and bought the chinese medicine to stop the diarrhea. Took two bloody sachets of them and guess what? The medicine is marvelous. I've stopped lau sai all together!

Awesome!

By the way, I flew back to Kuching this morning. It's a wonder that I didn't vomit inside the plane.

Now, I'm back at home in Kuching. Hugging my soft fluffy pillows. Sinking myself in MY nice comfy bed. Breathing in the scent of home sweet home and being pampered silly by my mum.

It's good to be home! Healthy or not, it's ALWAYS good to be home.

AAAaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psssttt : I'm not going to the office later on. Pah... ;P

boring longgg meetings!

I'm so tired! Those meetings! Bloody meetings! My job for the past two days has been limited to just one activity - attending meetings that last whole day through. Yes. Through lunch hours (noon time) and past my normal dinner time (5.30 PM). Damn meetings started from 9 AM till 6.45 PM. Non-stop!

I nearly cabut just now. I don't care anymore. Really be tahan! I yawned countless of times inside the conference room because I can more or less by-heart every details and information conveyed during the meeting. Those info has been repeated again and again and again. It actually feels like I've gone back to the blardy school days whereby the teachers voice keeps droning (no matter how interesting the subject is and no matter how excited a voice they use, everything just sounds like the same boring stupid things being repeated over and over again like a broken casette player) till I kept yawning and had troubles keeping my mind and eyes awake.

-_______-''

I'm praying that tomorrow there won't be any meetings to attend because I can't stand it. I hate dressing up smartly and nicely and neatly for the meetings. I hate the awkwardness of having to sit through the long hours in total discomfort of my clothing attire. I felt weird donning those formal office wear (executive suits). I felt like a different person. Maybe, just maybe I should wear them more oftenly so that I get used to it? I don't like the idea but perhaps I'll give it a try.

I did say many a times over that I wanted to change right? Yupe.

And the boots. You know, those ankle high boots worn with slacks and suits or whatever particle of clothing that suits them. Remember my fractured right foot? I'm having difficulties wearing boots because of the slightly highly extended heels which forced me to exert more pressure on the fractured part of my right foot. My foot felt numb each time I took off the boots after I reached home at 7 PM. Huhuhu... my poor foot!

Anyway, I'm totally exhausted. I fell asleep early last night eventhough I had planned to blog about the meeting. Thinking about it now, I guess it's safe to say that I've totally forgotten about the stuffs that I planned to write last night. Oh well. If it comes back to me, I'll blog about it. If not, then let it be. It's not really important.

Oh yeah. Back to topic. The meetings. After those miserable long hours spent inside the conference rooms, the conclusion is : I need to travel to West Malaysia with a group of Engineers from another company. I'll probably leave next week and duration of travel is currently still unknown to us. The only thing I'm sure of is that we have to go to several places all over West Malaysia to collect samples and survey the sites.

*sigh*

Sounds tiring huh? Well, tiring is better than boring. At least I can fall asleep without much tossing at night. And time somehow flies each time you have something to do or rush. Without actually realising it, one week may have gone by just by the blink of an eye. Time really waits for no man. Err... woman. Errr... anybody, in fact.

*yawns*

I'm tired tired tired. I'll just spend some time watching anime and then I'll call it a night. How's your days folks? Man. I feel like I've been blogging to walls. Haven't got much feedback in a while. You guys still alive? Arlow??

changes changes

I changed my template colors. I'm a little edgy recently so I prefer something dark and moody. Perhaps it reflects my mood. Perhaps I just want a change. Changes are good, no?

I've just came back from one of those dinner treats (reads special dinner that I had with my boss and his contacts). All the VIPs are there. I feel a little out of place and insecure. Just a tad bit. I wonder why...

• Maybe it's because I wasn't properly dressed? I just wear T-shirt with jeans. No make ups. No fancy hair-do. Or style. I look plain, simple and childish. In fact, I look younger than I actually am in age. Which wasn't good at all when it comes to "first impressions". My contacts always told me later (once I knew them better and vice versa) that they actually underestimated me cuz of my LOUSY first impressions. They either think I'm dumb (I wear outdated glasses and I don't talk much. I only talk when I'm talked to. Otherwise, I kept my mouth shut and just observe); or a klutz (I'm clumsy whenever I get nervous. Like knocking things all over the place or spilling water here and there, stuffs like that..) or I'm bluffing (most of them think I'm bluffing cause they dun believe a kid that has a face like mine actually know tat much) or or or... I dunno. They just have these weird expressions on their face when they look at me.
• Maybe something's wrong with my face. I find it hard to smile and I always believe that I look like a total jerk when I smile. Maybe a brocolli got stuck in between my teeth??!
• Maybe it's because I kept quiet all the time? I'm not much of a talker (I only talk with close friends) and I actually prefer to be a listener and observer. I don't mind if nobody talks to me as long as I get the chance to study other people's facial expressions and listen closely to their topic of conversations. Their intonations. Their vast knowledge of life. Those are so intriguing.

But tonight. Tonight, I didn't quite enjoy what I used to do. I feel awkward and I don't know what is wrong with me. Something's definitely wrong with me. It has been bugging me for a while now. I always feel out of place and that I do not belong here.

Am I being too sensitive?

One of my friend thinks I'm just over-stressed. Am I?

I think it's time to change. I want changes in my life, but I'm not sure which direction I should be heading to. I guess I'm fed up with what I've been having up till now cause it feels like it's getting me nowhere. What should I do? I'm not even sure what's going on anymore. I'm confused. I don't even know what I'm feeling or wanting anymore. Nothing matters.

Oh gosh. I need help. Seriously. I need emergency help. Taskete kudasai! Tolong! Help! Jiu ming ar!!! Kiu miang ooo!

Ok. Seriously. Here's a small quiz. Do you know what language is "taskete kudasai" and what does it mean? How about "tolong" and "jiu ming ar" and "kiu miang ooo"? Hahaha. Give it a try. Cookies are up for grabs for those who got it right!! ^___^

rainy days...

It's raining again. Haven't rained in a while. Maybe that explains why it was so difficult for me to climb out of my bed this morning.

You see, I have the tendency to procrastinate the most when the weather's cool. And yes. That includes rainy days.

Was it raining this morning? Nope. There was no rain this morning. I simply felt super lazy to wake up. As if my body knows that its gonna rain. Hahaha...

Man. That felt good. I miss the rain kinda. But raining also means that the work on site would be delayed and that my Vivic would be totally drenched out there. Poor him.

And yeah. While we're talking about cars, I hafta tell you guys this. I'm so relieved that I wasn't driving my Vivic just now. If it were him, I don't think I'll let the damn kid off the hook that easily. I'd have cooked him for dinner right then and there!

To make a long story short, I had a slight accident just now while driving my Mum's Unser. A young man driving a dark green coloured sedan rammed to the right side of my Unser's rear bumper at the T-junction while I was on my way to collect my buah cempedak.

Me and my mum went down to inspect the car. Actually, my mum's to inspect the car, me? To rough things up with the other fucking driver.

Me : Shit! *horror looks on* Look at that! How the heck did you drive???

Dumbass : Sorry sorry! I didn't see you...

Me : Great. My Unser is SO BIG and it's fucking RED in colour and YOU can't see it?!! YOU CAN'T SEE IT??!

Dumbass : I'm sorry. I was looking at the other direction. I thought that there was no car in front. I wasn't looking. I'm sorry. I really am.

Dumbass was mumbling and rambling sorry sorry sorry all over. I checked my rear bumper and it was scratched but not badly damaged. Slightly dented but my mum still can live with that. What with her being such a nice, compassionate and considerate person. My mum is SUPER NICE okay!

Unlike me though, you dented my car, I'll have your head for snack!!!

I took one peek at the guy's car and man, it was dented all right, starting from his front bumper all the way to his front door. That's a long scratch + dent.

Meanwhile, my mum checked our Unser and sensing not much damage, she just said "Nevermind lar"...

SIGH.

If my mum says nevermind, then what more can I say right? The car is hers.

I climbed into the car (surprisingly without much cussing) and drove off. End of story.

Anyway, I think the guy's gonna get a beating or by the least, his ears gonna fell off its perching place by the time he gets home cause he didn't inspect the damages on his car and he drove off thinking that he didn't sustain much damages. I bet his parents will chew his ears and meat out.

And I'm telling you the truth when I said that I was relieved that it wasn't my Vivic out there just now. My dear dear Vivic definitely can't survive a bump like that. What with him being a Perodua Viva (which reads milo tin car), with a bump like that, I bet I'll be changing the whole rear bumper and that can easily cost me thousands of ringgit. No kidding!

It's nice to have rainy days sometimes. But accidents ALWAYS happen during rainy days too. Without fail. Is this a written law that must happen each time it rains or what? Haiya. So ma huan!

But I love my bed. During rainy days. That's without complain off course!!!

gloomy day

It rained very heavily from the wee hours until almost 8 AM today. I woke up late. Felt so lazy to wake up due to the cold nice weather. It's nice to sleep in but a nightmare to go to work. I mean, how much can you do at site when it's raining? It drizzled on and off throughout the day. *sigh*

So I went to the office and only dropped by the site around 10.40 AM. Stayed there till 5.15 PM. I'm not in the mood to work today.

My pet turtle died. Yesterday. Mum didn't tell me until I asked her this morning.

I'm heartbroken. I prayed fervently for my turtle's recovery. I guess it's never meant to be.

I wish the tears would come.

Then I won't feel so bad.

But then again, some things are so totally out of our control. Who can control deaths? Nobody but God. Not even doctors.

I hope I'll get over this soon. You may see me smile and chatting heartily away but deep inside, I'm sad and down. Such a crumpled mess. Damn. How many people knows that huh? =(

makan angin

Yo folks! I've taken dinner and bath and dressed up ready to go out for a round of cruising. FYI, I have this habit of cruising around the town just for the heck of it.

I luv driving around dusk or twilight time. The scenery is the best then, with the sun setting and birds flying across the skies. It feels so peaceful and nice. The tranquility helps to clear my mind and promotes smart thinking. Hiak hiak hiak!

My brain is kinda stuck nowadays and so I needed something familiar to calm myself down. I haven't been acting the way I normally acted recently and everything's so weird and out of proportion. At the same time I've been so restless and so I've been forcing myself to work and worn myself out so that I'll just fall flat and sleep whenever I reached home.

So it's time for me to go makan angin now. Hopefully I'll post more later on. Especially on comments, so to all my dear readers out there : Please be patient ya...

Be right back...

tiring day

I've just came back from work. Yayaya. You read that right. From site. At 10.33 PM.

Worked from 8 AM till 5.35 PM and then 8.15 PM to 10.30 PM.

There were some site activities that I've always wanted to see but never got a chance to do so. Until just now.

*grins*

I'm nuts. A happy one too. Wakakaka

Washed my car today too after a long while. I got pissed after washing my car previously cuz it rained so dang heavily for two days continuously thereafter. Even called my car a frog cuz of that. Frogs always call for rain mar. If you washed your car and then it rains, then your car is a frog lor. You agree or not? =P

*sigh*

Today's such a rush. My legs hurt and I'm tired but am somewhat satisfied. My eyes can hardly stay open and my brain is gradually shutting down. In a few minutes time, I may not even be able to make any coherent or meaningful sentences. So it's best I stop now.

Good nite. ZzZzZzZz

THE BUS RIDE TO SARIKEI

Let me take this opportunity to tell you the story of my bus ride to Sarikei. It'll be something like One day in my life : CRAZY DAY! I mean, at least the format shall be the same lar. Contents are different story lor... ^.^

The bus departed at 3 PM and reached Sarikei at 8.20 PM. Today I walked all the way home from the Bus Terminal in Sarikei and it only took me 8 minutes. So I was officially home at 8.28 PM. =)


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JOB OFFER

You wanna know what the funny thing is? I spent the entire journey back to Sarikei thinking in the bus. Deep thinking. It's about my career and the new offer presented to me in the past few days.

My mind is so jumbled up, I have problems making decision. Both has their advantages and disadvantages. If you really want me to weight them out, I'll tell you they weight the same. Well. Almost. *sigh* It's that bad. *pulls hair*

I need to sort them out before I can start blogging about it. Aaaarrrggghhh!!!

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DRUNK DRIVER

Halfway through though, I noticed this sorta drunk driver driving a deep blue Proton Saga right in front of the bus. He was driving in a zigzag way and can really give you a heart attack when you are following him closely from behind. Several times, I saw near misses (of collision) when the car tried to overtake another car in front of it or when other cars behind it tried to overtake the blue Proton. We caught up to him about half an hour before reaching the Sri Aman's t-junction. Luckily, the bus driver today was smart enough to keep a distance apart. I think the driver of that car was drunk.

I heaved a sigh of relieve when the said drunkard drove all the way into Sri Aman and didn't turn right heading into Sarikei. That means we didn't have to follow him anymore. I didn't even notice that I was actually holding my breath till the car was out of sight. Phew!

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STINKY AUNTY

Occassionally, my brain stopped thinking abruptly due to this disgusting sweat smell/body odour that somehow wafted to my nose.

@.@

Uwek!!!

I prayed for my poor self not to vomit right then and there in the bus. *shivers*

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NOISY KIDS

When it's around 7 PM, the two damn kids in the bus suddenly became hyper-active and started singing and shouting in those weird dialects of theirs (bumis). At one point, it became so loud that I literally had to hold myself from scolding them. Their stupid parents didn't say jackshit about their unreasonable behavior even when their kids are actually disturbing other passengers from resting. Wei, it's dark already and ppl tends to doze off in the bus you know? Have some manners lar you blardy bastard of a jerk asshole parents! WTF is your brains goddamn it?! Cheebye stupid parents who only know how to make children but dunno how to teach nor discipline them! Farking retards! Ptuiii!!!!!

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MOTHER'S DAYS SONGS

Those Chinese oldies songs singing praises and paying tributes to mothers all over the world. They are so touching that I nearly cried in the bus. Ma-deh. Really lost face if I did that. Later on everybody will think I'm siao or something. Haiya!

But hor, it makes me glad and full with gratitude that I have a mum. And a loving caring one at that. One that makes the home homey and cook lots of awesome-heartbreaking-delicious-homey food food! I luv you mum!!! *hugs*

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STARRY SKIES

One of the thing I love about Sarikei is its endless skies of stars. Almost every night without fail (unless its extremely cloudy), you'd see stars stretched across the sky. As far as your eyes can see. It's breathtaking. One of the reason I can stay awake whole night during the bus ride home to Kuching is because of the time I spent gazing at the stars. I can look at them for hours and hours. Until my neck can't stand it. Only then I stop.

I wish I could take pictures of them. Sometimes I think to myself. I want to get a bf who can spend hours and hours star gazing with me. But in this time and day? A guy like that? Yeah right. In your dream lor.

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NIGHT ORCHESTRA

Sarikei is full of insects. From the Bus Terminal all the way to my home here, I can hear the sounds of frogs, crickets and cicadas. They filled the night air with such loudness and clarity it's kinda annoying. I so hate them. Ugh!

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EMPTY & QUIET HOUSE

That's it. I came back to an empty house. Quiet too. My house owner and his wife weren't home and so it was a silent welcome. -___-'' I'm so not thrilled to be back here. What a direct opposite compared to me going back home to Kuching. *sigh*

The End liaooo. Comments are welcomed. Questions too. I'm bored. Humor me. Puleezzzzz.

New spec!

I got my new spec! Wheeeee!!!! My skin allergy has healed (Thank GOD!!!) and now I'm wearing a new spec. The spare spec of mine goes back to where it belongs - being a spare.

The shocking thing I found when I visited the Optometrist (is that how you spell it?) here is that my skin infection/allergy was actually caused by the steel frame of my spare spec! He told me that the spare spec that I was wearing actually has nickel on it and that's the culprit that causes skin rashes. When left untreated, it will worsen and eventually produce pus. Eeee. Scarry!

He recommended me to use the plastic type of frame. Upon closer inspection though, the frame's not really plastic made. It's still framed by steel COVERED with plastic in order to prevent skin allergies. Phew!

I'm wearing it now and it's good. So glad to be able to see properly again! It's a nightmare seeing everything blur blur you know. So depressing! Haha

Does age matter?

Aunty called again just now. 5 mins after my office hour was over.

Me : Arlow?
Aunty : Eh, you free right now?
Me : -___-'' (Oh no not again?!!!!) Why?
Aunty : Hehehe. Can come lim teh right now?
Me : NOW???!!
Aunty : It's a bit abrupt hor? I mean you must be tired, need to rest and bath and all that.
Me : Yes. It's veeeeery abrupt. And I'm very tired. Is it the same guy?
Aunty : Yeah. Same. Did he msg you that day?
Me : Nope.
Aunty : Oh... did he call?
Me : Not at all. Look, what's the hurry? (you see, I was a bit bit annoyed by now already)
Aunty : Ahahaha... maybe he's eager to get a wife. Hohoho... Wanna see you mar.
Me : How OLD is he?
Aunty : He's a monkey (Chinese people uses animal zodiac to tell the age without actually embarrassing either party. It's easy to calculate too. Since he's a monkey, he's younger than me by one year)
Me : .... *paused* ... He's yoooungeeeerrr than me.
Aunty : *shocked* *silence* Is he? What's your zodiac?
Me : Sheep. Baa baa baa (Now you know how old I am anot? Tsk...)
Aunty : Oh! You're right. He is younger!
Me : He is. If he's eager to see me, just tell him I'm fat fat, short short lar. See what he says.
Aunty : *silence* Oh hohoho... I'll arrange the time and then confirm with them lar. Ok?
Me : *sigh* Ok. (whatever... grrr..)
Aunty : You free tomorrow morning? Let's have breakfast together?
Me : I'm going back to Kuching tomorrow.
Aunty : When do you come back? Sunday? How about Monday? We have dinner together ok?
Me : I'm going to Sibu on Monday.
Aunty : Wah! You travel so much?
Me : *grits teeth* Yes. I do. (you choy meh? *sigh*)
Aunty : Hehe. Nevermind nevermind. I'll contact you again.
Me : Ok. Thanks. Bai.

I'm a bit annoyed. And my Aunty didn't even realize how old I was. That's probably cuz I look younger than my age.

*sigh*

Then, I had this conversation with my friend.

Me : He's younger than me lar
Fren : Younger by how young?
Me : 1 yr old
Fren : Do you mind? About the age?
Me : Quite lor
Fren : But only a year, and you look young you know. So ppl can't tell even if you're really older than him. And you'll definitely look younger than him even though you're older
Me : Ar?? ... Ok. How old do I actually look? Honestly
Fren : 20
Me : WHAT?! Really? You're not pulling my leg?!
Fren : Eh seriously la
Me : Ooo...

So, does age matter? Really matter? I'm torn. Really.

What should I do? Help!!!!!

One day in my life - CRAZY DAY!

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MY BLOG FEATURED ON 5XMOM'S BLOG!!!

OMG! Today's soooo crazy! I had trouble sleeping last nite and woke up VERY late this morning (at 7.40 AM and work starts at 8 AM!!!!!) just to find this! My stubborn eyes straightaway opened wide wide and yupe. I was WIDE AWAKE.

That was such a great wake up call. Muahahaha. Out of nowhere, endless of energy kept pouring into my being. I was fully charged! So happy to just have 5xmom writing that, with my name and blog addy inside. Wah. Tenkiu so very much 5xmom! It's an honor! For me. Really. =^_______^= Feels like advertisement lar wei. Hidung kembang kempis wor. Waseh! Feels so dang good. Today my nose also feels higher instead of its normal penyet penyet short short ugly self. And the ceiling looks lower than usual. Wakakaka. Uh...

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LATE LATE LATE

*looked at the time* ---> 7.50 AM

What?!!!!! OMG I'm gonna be so damn late!!!!

With only 10 minutes to get ready for work, I quickly rushed through everything. Brushed teeth, washed face, pansai panjio (translate : means shit and pee in hokkien), changed clothes, dumped my Lappy, adapter, charger, handphones, car keys, house keys and wallet into my backpack, then scrambled for my safety helmet, safety jacket, wore my socks and safety shoes, carried everything threw them into my car and sped all the way to work like a siao jar boh (translate : crazy gal).

Left home at 8.04 AM, reached office before 8.10 AM. Niceee.

FYI, my office is very near my house. My site too. *2 thumbs up* Supah nice yo!

Walked into the office feeling so light and the moment I sat down, something just felt so wrong.

What was that?

It took me a while to figure that out. My eyes! Bit bit puffy and slightly grayish in color. Like panda eyes! OMG I never had that before even if I stayed awake for 3 days and nights straight! Why today?!

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MEETING

Within 10 minutes of sitting in the office I learned that we had meeting with Client at 9 AM.

O.o Oh dear, it's a miserable day I tell you. Meeting with client so early in the morning. I shoulda bring my bullet proof jacket instead of my safety jacket. Ma-deh.

Dragged my feet miserably to Client's office. But upon reaching there hor, I walked like the big big important boss into the building. As if I own the building. Muahahaha. You think that's snobbish? Nope. That's called stood to your ground. Be sure of what you're doing. Hold yourself high and stood by it even when volcanoes erupt and skies came tumbling down. Have pride and high esteem in your own being. Even if you make mistakes, it's not the end of the world ok. Life goes on. Nobody's perfect.

The meeting was over in a flash. Mr. Mousie was so nervous that he called in the whole gang of peps from our side. Ma-deh. Like a mouse calling 100 of its friends out to surround a giant cat for the last brave fight over. Do you think the cat's gonna shudder at the sight of 100 mice surrounding it? Far from it. I bet it'll be grinning from ear to ear. Such a feast! Uwah.

*rubs cat paws together*

*ties napkin around neck*

*reaches for fork and knife*

*feral grin*

PARTY TIME!

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JOB OFFER

On the way back to my office from Client's office, I got a call from my ex-boss SC. He's asking me to join him again. This time, he wants me to resign within 24 hours and joins him straight tomorrow!

He's bloody serious. I'm bloody shocked.

He wants me to agree on the spot. I refused to. Grrr. This is my career we're talking about. What's so easy to resign. I worked half dead to get where I am right now you know.

Told him I need time to consider. He was disappointed. I hope he won't give up just yet. If it's really good then I'll take the offer. Right? If it's not and I take it then I'm so gonna kill myself over and over and over again.

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SITE SITE SITE

Reached site and noticed that there were many animals there. It's... complicated. The best illustration I can give you is this : Imagine a tiny white bunny hopping its way into a garden packed with a tiger, a bear, a poisonous frog, a bee, a mouse, a hippopotamus, a snake, a pig, a cicak.... and many more.

Now tiger and bear are dangerous ok. But they don't cincai attack wei. I'm ok with them. Poisonous frog too. Froggy is, up to now still ok. Mr. Bee is nice to everybody cuz everybody's a flower mar. The mouse and hippopotamus are plain annoying. Sir hippo always wanna brag and blow hot air baloon. Mouse ler always wanna show off but scared kena attack by the rest of the animals. Snake always wanna ular lor so very sien. The cicak very kaypoh one always report here and there. The pig is just like a pig lor. Oink oink here and oink oink there. But hor, mouse very good with pig wor. Snake very good with hippopotamus wor.

How about the bunny? The bunny is very good with the tiger, bear, frog and bee. Only so so with mouse, pig and cicak. Had very bad impression on both the snake and hippopotamus. Nearly hired hunters to shoot them down. Really!

Do you get the story? Muahahaha. Told ya it's complicated!

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PART-TIME LECTURER

Anyway, besides that, I became sorta a part-time Lecturer bringing two new trainees around the site for a briefing. One of them is a QS (young guy) and the other is a Civil Engineer (young gal). Like me. Except that each time she speaks, I literally cringed. Dun like her voice. It's like this high pitched squeak. Euuuuu!

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LUNCH

I'll be honest here and tell you this. The best thing going out to lunch is to go with middle aged VERY EXPERIENCED people. Those who has been to all sorts of places and meet all types of people and experienced anything that your measly brain can think of. They are SO ENTERTAINING I tell you!

I love listening to their stories of other countries. Of tribesmen. Their cultures. Their food. Their hunting and surviving skills. Their superb intelligence.

I enjoy their company so much cuz they really know when to switch off the "work" button. They talk about everything and anything but work. It's such a great relief. With them, you really get to know them. Their fav food, outings, hobbies. It shows very clearly on their face. The passion they exhibited when they talk about their beloved hobbies. Fascinating I tell you!

And while watching them chattering ever so excitedly like a bunch of teenage boys going out on their first outing, it makes me realize how very much human they really are. Underneath all those hard layered shell that they'd built with such pain and hard work lies a human being.

I'm relieved! Hahaha! It's good to know that you're not spending so much time with total robots that has no feelings.

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LETTER DRAFTING

Ma-deh! Why does Mousie always ask me to draft SUCH difficult letters?! Cheebye. Damn tu-lan. Sometimes I wish I'm English handicapped. Pui!!!!!

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SUFFERINGS - SKIN ALLERGY

Sien liao. Remember my spare spec/glasses? Well it's incompatible with my skin. The part where it comes into contact with the metal frame of the glasses is allergic to the paint. Since I sweat a lot at site, the allergy worsen and now it has festered till producing pus. Damn. Hafta go to the pharmacy to buy ointment. Such a waste of money. *sigh*

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PHARMACY

Went straight to Pharmacy to buy the much needed ointment. Applied it already once I get back home and after taking my bath. Was told not to wear glasses for several days. I'm typing without glasses. Such a pain in the ass! So difficult! Aiyoh!

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KFC

Had KFC for dinner. Nothing special to write home about.

'......'

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BLOGGING

Yeah. That's what I'm doing now. After coming home from dinner, took a bath, settled everything and then started surfing and reading blogs and blogging and posting comments. I'm so tired. I'll realy try to sleep earlier tonite. And hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep.

*looks back*

It's a crazy day indeed. Ugh. How I wish it'll rain as heavily as possible. It's so hot! *sigh*

matchmaking - a nightmare in the making?

GUIDELINES : stars denotes actions, italics denotes inner thoughts.

*mobile phone rings*

Me : Arlow?
Aunty : xxxx? You free or not?
Me : Why?
Aunty : Aaa... wanna talk to you lor.
Me : About wat?
Aunty : Remember the guy I told you about?
Me : ...
Aunty : The one I arranged for you to meet oneee...
Me : Oh... (you arranged more than one lar eeeeee I dun even know which one you're talking about)
Aunty : Well, he asked for your handphone number. Can give or not?
Me : Why?
Aunty : He said paiseh to meet straight away like that wor. With his mum and me around the two of you may not have much to say wor. So chat through phone okay or not?
Me : Message first lar. (paiseh to talk? What does he wanna talk about? Sex? Ptui!)
Aunty : Message?
Me : Sms. If ok, then chat through phone. If ok still, then meet. Simple enough right?
Aunty : Oh. That's good too. Make friends first ya.
Me : Yeah *very sweetly and politely* (of coz lar, there's no marriage at first sight lar -_-'')
Aunty : Actually like this. His Aunty asked for the place you work at. She wanna go see look see look first.
Me : HUH?! WHAT?!! (wah! You think I'm a merchandise ar? Can view first before deciding to buy ar? Biar betul! Cilaka punya lau-char-boh. See ah mu!)
Aunty : I didn't tell her lar. Not fair for you mar. So the guy suggested to chat through phone first.
Me : Oh I see. (Phew! But cilaka all the same lar. Either way, the guy just wanna see whether I'm pretty or not lar. If cannot see, then at least hear my voice and judge from there lar? Nabeh see tak poh!)
Aunty : So you agree or not?
Me : I prefer sms. And please tell him to identify himself. I don't take anonymous or hidden caller ids. And I never reply if I'm sure I dunno the sender of the msgs. I'm not that cincai ok.
Aunty : So I give him your phone number oh?
Me : -____-'' ok

*2 minutes later*

*mobile phone rings*

*looks at number*

Guess what? It's a local phone number. Not a handphone/mobile phone number. Sure enough his intention is to listen to my voice. I'm really very sien with guys like that. If wanna see mah meet lor. If wanna hear my voice mah meet lor. Why so po-mah and lo-soh like that. Plain stupid. Waste of time and money. I didn't answer the call. Rings only twice and then total silence.

I personally know quite a handful of guys who has the same calling habits. Rings twice then stop. Ma-deh. As if I have nothing better to do but wait for your phone calls at all times? You can wait till the moon turns blue in color ok!

My friends always ask me : Val, get a bf quick quick liao. What kind of guys are you interested in anyway? Nobody kao you meh?

Get bf quick quick? Ma-deh. You think get bf like buying sayur at the market ar? Kao me? Got. I'm not THAT ugly ok. But no spark mar. I don't wanna play with their feelings mar. If no feel, mah tell them early early no feel lor. Better heart broken awal-awal than heart broken at the very end of the road right? It hurts less and its for their own good. I'm not materialistic and I won't wear them down asking for expensive gifts and food. Although I'll get them if I really teh them. Wei! I also know how to teh one ok?

My answer to the type of guys that I like? Honest, sincere and understanding guys. Knowledgeable types attracts me the most. But not the snobbish types lar. No hanky panky. No beating around the bushes. And definitely not those clowns who cracks senseless no-meaning jokes at all times (even when the timing sucks) and degrade themselves further. AND definitely no ah guas!!!! I'll slap them first and then speed away and pray I'll never see them again for the rest of my life! Muahahaha!

On 2nd thought, I hope this guy does not belong to any of those groups. *sigh*

Otherwise? It shall be another nightmare in the making. Don't you agree? *sigh*