changes changes

I changed my template colors. I'm a little edgy recently so I prefer something dark and moody. Perhaps it reflects my mood. Perhaps I just want a change. Changes are good, no?

I've just came back from one of those dinner treats (reads special dinner that I had with my boss and his contacts). All the VIPs are there. I feel a little out of place and insecure. Just a tad bit. I wonder why...

• Maybe it's because I wasn't properly dressed? I just wear T-shirt with jeans. No make ups. No fancy hair-do. Or style. I look plain, simple and childish. In fact, I look younger than I actually am in age. Which wasn't good at all when it comes to "first impressions". My contacts always told me later (once I knew them better and vice versa) that they actually underestimated me cuz of my LOUSY first impressions. They either think I'm dumb (I wear outdated glasses and I don't talk much. I only talk when I'm talked to. Otherwise, I kept my mouth shut and just observe); or a klutz (I'm clumsy whenever I get nervous. Like knocking things all over the place or spilling water here and there, stuffs like that..) or I'm bluffing (most of them think I'm bluffing cause they dun believe a kid that has a face like mine actually know tat much) or or or... I dunno. They just have these weird expressions on their face when they look at me.
• Maybe something's wrong with my face. I find it hard to smile and I always believe that I look like a total jerk when I smile. Maybe a brocolli got stuck in between my teeth??!
• Maybe it's because I kept quiet all the time? I'm not much of a talker (I only talk with close friends) and I actually prefer to be a listener and observer. I don't mind if nobody talks to me as long as I get the chance to study other people's facial expressions and listen closely to their topic of conversations. Their intonations. Their vast knowledge of life. Those are so intriguing.

But tonight. Tonight, I didn't quite enjoy what I used to do. I feel awkward and I don't know what is wrong with me. Something's definitely wrong with me. It has been bugging me for a while now. I always feel out of place and that I do not belong here.

Am I being too sensitive?

One of my friend thinks I'm just over-stressed. Am I?

I think it's time to change. I want changes in my life, but I'm not sure which direction I should be heading to. I guess I'm fed up with what I've been having up till now cause it feels like it's getting me nowhere. What should I do? I'm not even sure what's going on anymore. I'm confused. I don't even know what I'm feeling or wanting anymore. Nothing matters.

Oh gosh. I need help. Seriously. I need emergency help. Taskete kudasai! Tolong! Help! Jiu ming ar!!! Kiu miang ooo!

Ok. Seriously. Here's a small quiz. Do you know what language is "taskete kudasai" and what does it mean? How about "tolong" and "jiu ming ar" and "kiu miang ooo"? Hahaha. Give it a try. Cookies are up for grabs for those who got it right!! ^___^