Where's my moolah??

Moolah? What's moolah?

Aiyer. Like that also don't know meh? Money lar, what else.

Money? Moolah is money? Err.. Why don't they just call it money?

Ok. Here's why. Moolah is a slang for money. Why use slang when you can say money? Maybe they just wanna 'spice up' the word? Add more feel and coolness to it? Increase ones mojo? There are people out there who feels damn special for being able to spew cool, alien words to their moronic bunch of 'so called friends'. But then again, sometimes this may not seem to be the case. Perhaps the word has gone through extensive-fast-forward revolution. Like the word 'google'. Google was a search engine, don't get me wrong, it IS still a search engine, but nowadays, people tell you to 'Google for it' instead of 'Go to Google and search for it'. Instead of a noun it has now become a verb. Awesome huh?

On the other hand, perhaps some people perceive money or the sign $$$ as a taboo word. I, for instance hate money. Why? I associate money with problems. Money is the cause of all the crimes and bad things in the world. People kill for money. Rob banks for money. Fight for money, worry about money, quarrel over money and disputes over money. Sold their lives, bodies, souls and dignities for money. Do everything for money. Just take a look at the Fear Factor shows. They'd eat tarantulas, scorpions (alive man!!!) and even shit for money. Heck, they'd swallow stuffs people vomit out just for money. Kill babies for money (Google for melamine if you don't know what this mean *rolls eyes*) and sell fake eggs (in China, fake eggs are mass produced using chemical substances and sold for as low as 0.05 yuan compared to a real, fresh egg that costs over 1 yuan each). Is that how much humanity is worth??

You don't believe this? Let's say I'm a crazy multi-billionaire and I told you I'd give you 1 million dollars if you'd just let me cut off your pinky, study your reaction and then have my personal surgeon re-attach your pinky back for you. And you can do this over and over again. I'll just pay you up with cold hard cash at the end of each session. And countless people can join up. It's for my special studies. I'll publish it, make money out of it. And guess what, there will be viewers. Who wouldn't want to watch that? Now, the question is : Would you do that? Let me cut your pinky. After all, it's just a pinky. You certainly won't die. Right? You get 1 million dollars cash each time you cut off your pinky wor! Guaranteed wor! Would you or would you not do it? I bet thousands of people would queue up from Kuching all the way to Singapore JUST to have their pinkies cut off and then re-attached back. And they get paid 1 million each. Why not?

Too bad I'm not a billionaire. Maybe this is a good thing. If I were a billionaire, imagine all the sick ideas I have that I can actually do. OMG! This is so sick!!! I'm damn sure I can beat Fear Factor. Damn. Where's my moolah??? Come quick lar. I wait till knees kejang already!

Disclaimer : Nobody has been harmed in the production of this article. The so-called facts written here are based on rumors flying in the air at current time of publishing. If you wanna believe what you read, believe. If you don't believe, then don't believe. The writer or this blog never forces anything down your throat or into your mind. So read, laugh and admire. Or fuck off. Or whatever.

Better days ahead?

Lately I have been more complacent. Is that the right adjective to use? I'm not sure. Maybe it is wrong to say that I'm 100% complacent, but I did say I have been more complacent. That surely counts as an improvement, no?

Why did I say this? Well, I used to brood over every little things that upset me. I had so much pent up stress, I believe it is enough to explode and cover half of Sarawak with hot, molten lava. Yes, I miss Daddy very much and yes, I have so many regrets. So many things not accomplished. I haven't got a bf, get engaged, get married, have kids, build a family. My career has not reached its peak at all. I have not given Daddy the happiness of having a son-in-law or grandchildren. And I'll never have that chance. I'll never see him smiling at me ever, telling me how proud he is of me and how everything will turn out right and okay. I'll never hear him sigh again, or how excitedly he tells all of us about his latest purchase of Rolex watches, antiques, DSLR cameras, binoculars or even telescopes. I'll never hear his laughter or devilish chuckle of delight against our antics. I'll never talk to him, hug him or tell him how much I love him. I'll never get to tell him to just let go of his work and come home sooner, quicker and more frequently. I'll never get to call him and complaint about everything. I'll never have someone like him to ask about advice or anything ever. I really miss him. And tears rolled down my face even as I'm typing this.

But now it's different. There is peace from within. There is no anger nor sadness. Just longing and acceptance. Regrets I'll learn to live with. And I will be stronger. I'm deeply comforted that Daddy did not suffer while departing from this world. I'm somewhat glad that we did not see this coming at all. Life is such a mystery. We never know what we had until we have lost it. We always took things for granted. Never cherishing them while they are still there. How can we be so ignorant?

Recently I've watched TV, youtube, anime and countless of movies. I've dug up all of my mp3 collections and listened to them, remembering why I loved those songs, and love them still now. I'm marvelled at how much feelings I had then, for music and anime. How much I treasured letters, and tiny little gifts friends give me. I never threw them away. My room is packed mostly with books and stuffs dating back to my childhood days. I still have the RC car that Daddy bought me for my 4 year old birthday. If I can find the battery that suits it and plug it in, it'll definitely run like it was brand new. I still had drawings I drew when I was 14. I never wanted to throw them away. To me they were precious. I cannot bear losing them, not seeing them ever again.

That sounds silly doesn't it? How many people does that anyway? It's such a waste of time and room area. Pua Chu Kang's wife Rosie once scolded him, 'Keep keep keep! Can turn into gold meh?'. That phrase rang so true. Sure, these things won't turn into gold, but it is the feelings engraved that makes it priceless. It is the memories that makes things meaningfull. It is the song that was playing at that particular moment that brings back the memories of yesteryears. Somehow you can't help but being transported back into that time, that moment, that place. Somehow you cannot help but remembering all of your feelings, senses, thoughts and wishes then. It was magical.

For me, I'll always carry all these wonderful memories with me. I may curse and scream and shout and threaten to kill every morons in the world that gets in my way but the truth is, I am a softy at heart. I get angry easily because I'm sensitive. I feel so much, so strongly that it is unbearable not to show any response whatsoever. Over the years though, I've learned to keep things to myself. Things no one would understand. I stopped expecting anyone to understand. I stopped hoping someone would. It is better to let go and move on. Life seems easier that way. I can breath more easily. Not some laboured breath clouded with disgust that no one seems to understand.

So what now? I wanna live life to its fullest. I don't stop living just because something bad happened. I'm tough. And I will go on writing. Come to think of it, I haven't written much in the past few years. I read some of my earlier postings years back and I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of my postings. Some of them were so angry and dark, but surprisingly funny in its own little manner. I longed for the time when I used to write about cute, happy stuffs. I miss those times when nothing seems to worry me and troubles would just go away if I wished for them hard enough. I will survive. Somehow.

Am I comforting myself? In a way, perhaps I am. And for those who has ever felt the way I felt, take heed - if you can live through this, then you shall emerge stronger. We are molded, trained into stronger beings through various life experiences. Someday, we'll make those who meant a lot to us proud. This is life. The better days are yet to come. I'll wait till that day comes. Would you?

p/s: Pa, I love you and always will be. You are the greatest Dad alive and if I'm ever given the chance to choose, I'll always want you to be my Daddy, thousands of lifetimes over. No one can replace you. That's how precious you are to me. So rest in peace and don't worry about us. Luv ya!

Official Cactus Killer

Oh dear. Remember the cactus that I so proudly presented last month? Uh.. they all died. All except two. In fact, those two survived cause my sisters saved them. Yeap - my two youngest sisters. Every last bit of cactus that fell prey into my hands died a miserable, insignificant death.

Please forgive me minna. I killed you. Yes. I'm a murderer. A cold hearted one at that.

And strangely, I do not feel... horrified. I do not feel sorry at all. Sad yes. Sorry? Nope.

Did I deliberately do that? *evil grin*

Maybe yes. Maybe no. They aren't tough. That's why they died. Not my fault. Right?

My youngest sis would probably accused me of killing them. On purpose.

'You didn't water them for one whole month!!!'

'Hmmm. I thought cactus do not need that much water. They ARE cactus, not ordinary plants lar.. they'll survive..'

'They still need water!!! Baka!'

O__O

Maybe she's right. I'm such a baka. Either that, or I simply don't care at all.

I'll probably sneak into her room to take pic of her baby cacti. It has sprouted cute tentacle-like shoots on its top. It looks like a snail's head to me.

Alas, internet connection has been slower than snails. Pictures up soon. I mean, as soon as I could upload them. If not, you'll just hafta keep waiting!

Wahahahaa!

2009's nightmares... (Part 1)

Warning : Very long and emo post. Get lost now if you can't deal with it.

Just got back from a week long trip to Sibu with my family and Uncle. It was supposed to be a vacation of some sort. Turns out that it pumps more pressure into my system or perhaps I was on the verge of explosion.

The trunk road was packed full of morons who drive recklessly, as if the whole stretch of the bloody road belongs to their idiotic parents. You wondering why I called them morons and idiots? Who the fuck drove 30 or 40 km per hour on a highway road? And yeap, they have 13 cars following them up closely, each of them having cooked up enough temperatures to melt a steel! I am one of those who had boiling blood. And I would have just run down those sorry excuses of assholes if I was driving a 20 foot trailers to boot. The morons always switch ON my anger button. Without fail. Ptuiiii!

Maybe I've gone crazy due to over-depression or disappointments. Nothing seems right. Everything has gone wrong. Everything that looks promising, good and feasible has gone terribly wrong. My disappointments gave birth to suicidal thoughts. Funnily enough, I actually considered, seriously, considering the idea of committing suicide; should I hang myself? swallow 1000 tablets of pills? drink pesticide? but pesticides are yucky, so I most probably won't do that. jump off a cliff? or river? or building? would Wisma Sanyan be high enough to give me the last few seconds of exhilarating joy of killing myself? maybe an accident is better, but then I don't want to drag other innocent people into my mess.. perhaps driving a car off the cliff? Too costly. Damn. I can't even decide on methods of committing suicide, let alone the act of committing suicide. Dang!

By now you must have asked yourself, what is the matter with this girl? What could be so bad that she can't handle it? Hmm.. since I haven't been blogging much, perhaps I should list them here, just for the heck of it.

1. Several deals I worked on has gone rotten.
Oookay... that's no biggie, rite? Rite. I thought so myself. I can always work on new deals. Better deals. Improvise. Yeap. I can do that.

2. Business kanasai (means like shit!).
This one's peanut also. No biggie. The economy is really bad now and many people out there are either just recently retrenched, fired, or un-employed. I am currently considered un-employed too. Never mind lar. Won't die what. Right? Right.

3. Mum slipped and fractured her right wrist.
Shit. This is terrible. The fracture was so bad, she needed an operation. To make things worse, it was on her right wrist - she's right handed and that means she uses her right hands a lot. To top that up, it was costly. Normal fractures requires internal fixation. Simply explained, you re-attach all the fractured bones together, screw them up with bolts and nuts or whatever it is that the surgeons use, and voila it would hold and on the way to recovery. Not in my mother's case. At this stage, we found out that she had osteoporosis. =.='' If the above-mentioned procedure is carried out, her bones would fracture into smaller fragments due to extreme porosity. T_T So, external fixation must be done, and it is more expensive and painful but heals faster.

I will blog about the operation in other posts so I'll cut the story short here. Since the operation she needed 6 weeks time for the bones to grow back and to have the external fixation released. In that 6 weeks time, we took turn taking care of her. I stayed with her most of the time cause I wasn't working full time and my time is more flexible. She needed help bathing, changing clothes, grooming and everything else in between that you can think of. I paid the bills, water the plants, ran errands, became her driver and did some of the house chores. My sisters took care of the rest house chores. During those time, we grew extremely tired and she, extremely agitated. She cried a lot, because she was in great pain and her hand was so swollen it hardly resembled a hand. I drove her practically everywhere to 'makan angin' cause Mum loves it and I enjoyed doing it. It took her mind away, just for a while.

6 weeks after the operation it was time to have the external fixation removed. It was such an ordeal I could not help but wince each time she grimaced from the pain. Out came the tears and blood (from her wound). I felt like my heart was out in my hands. The removal was done without any anesthetic and Mum said she could feel the steel grinding with her bones before being removed.

Then came the physiotherapy which is even more painful than before. Since Mum had not moved her right hand and wrist in 6 weeks time, it has gone really stiff and weak. She could not even hold a spoon to feed herself. Physiotherapy is needed to get it back to its normal functions. Again, lots of emo-ing and tears came pouring out and I accompanied her in and out of hospital on weekly basis. The physiotherapy sessions was done twice a week and each of them lasting about 1 to 1.5 hours. It was complete torture and my mum dreaded it.

If you think that's the end, my answer is no. More is to come. Read on.

4. My savings dried up.
By this time, a huge hole has burnt through my savings account. I bought a new pc cuz my laptop died on me and I still have to pay for my car installments. By this time I had only enough to sustain my car's installment. I don't have to pay the loan anymore in another few months time. Petrol is a killer nowadays. I need cash flow terribly. My dad offered financial support several times but I stubbornly turned him down. I can manage on my own, I told him. But deep inside, I was touched with his generosity and compassion. He may disagree with me on many issues, but he supported my decisions in silence and somehow, from deep within, I know he's somewhat proud of me. I'm like a son to him.

5. Friends kanasai (means like shit!).
I have several retard of a 'friends' who insisted that I buy branded presents for them even though they knew I wasn't earning anything. They thought that just because I wasn't working, I'm rich. Dang!

6. Trembling fingers...
My fingers swells on and off with great pain. Sometimes they tremble uncontrollably on their own accord, as if they had just been electrocuted. Using chopsticks became a nuisance. I could not carry heavy things. a 2kg bag feels like 20kg to me. Deep inside, I was greatly depressed. The disappointments and failures upon failures were chopping me, slicing me up deeply, without mercy. I grew tired of hoping, of believing that everything will be all right. It feels like I'm never entitled to success. By then, I couldn't even help my mum in her physiotherapy sessions. I couldn't massage her hand and fingers because doing so inflict similar pains in my own hands. I felt so useless.

7. My dad... passed away suddenly.
This... came as an utter shock. Dad was in good health. He was working, breathing, very much alive. I was getting ready to fetch him from the airport when I got a call from him. I thought it was him. It wasn't. It was a call from his colleague, informing us of the terrible truth. That was the shocking news. He had left us. For the first time in my life, my heart stopped beating. I stopped breathing. Time stopped. No God. No. Not now. Not yet. Why???

My mind could not comprehend. I drove numbly back home while consoling my mum in the car. She was already crying. Bad things happened one after another. Before it was her, now it's Daddy. Maybe it's a prank. Maybe they made a mistake. Maybe it's someone else. Maybe his phone got stolen. Maybe maybe maybes...

I did not shed a tear until the confirmation came. Yes. He had left us to be with Lord. I refused to acknowledge it. I refused to accept it. We packed in a frenzy. I gathered all of my sisters, and drove to Sarikei, regardless of my swollen, burning, painful fingers. That was the worse day of my life.

8. Ex-employer(s) kanasai (means like shit!).
Not long after Daddy's funeral, I received news of employment. My ex-employer seemed to be in favour of hiring me. I thought this was the light at the end of the dark, treacherous tunnel. Perhaps, the cloud will finally part ways and allow the ray of light, of hope to enter my life again. That, wasn't the case.

I found out soon enough that there were conflicts in the employment process. Dark, untrue rumors threatened to ruin my reputation, and they did. I can only pray that God will avenge me for these people had wronged me. They blamed me for their mistakes and incompetence and lost of profit. They created untrue stories, lies upon lies to cover up their ugly truths. The job slipped through my fingers.

9. Relatives kanasai (means like shit!).
Daddy's brothers had the nerve to tell us that we should simply buy the cheapest casket cause he's dead anyway so no point in wasting so much money. We refused and insisted on the best. It was our last chance to buy things for Daddy, our last chance to pay our respects, his last resting place. He had given us so much and we were told to give him as little as possible upon his departure? I could not do that. Not even with a gun pointed at my head. My sisters refused too. Mum wanted the best for Daddy and we all agreed.

Straight after Daddy's funeral ceremony, we headed home. As I had mentioned in one of my previous blog, we had just recently moved into a new house. It is a double storey semi detached house, newly renovated with modern designs and landscaped garden. Not only that, the rest of Daddy's brothers and their families had moved into new houses respectively due to a newly developed piece of land that grants each of them a new house. When they reached our house though, two of my Uncles rushed all over the house inspecting it. Then they rushed upstairs to look at the bedrooms, totally ignoring our dumbfounded looks. They did not even asked for permission to go upstairs. How could they do this? Is this the time for house watching? Don't they care how we feel? Are we statues? Their actions revolted me greatly. I do not want to have anything to do with them in the future.

Those incidents above really burn me alive. Until now, I have not settled down. Life was tough, but this feels like it's climbing a never-ending tough stairs. My mind is still a ball of huge, entangled messy ball with everything jumbled up, packed and highly compressed together. I cannot see straight, think straight. My mind is a raging ocean, the winds are howling, it was cold and dark. I was groping around. I have lost my way, my grip. Everyday was lifeless. This is difficult. I hate this year. I hate the year of golden ox. I'll never forget this fucked up year. I wish I could teleport myself out of this place, this time, this instance. This year sucks and everything in it sucks. When will I see a glimpse of hope? I do not know. I cannot concentrate on anything, and yet I need to settle down. Tell me, what should I do? I feel like such a moron myself for asking that question. Perhaps I have uttered the phrase way too many times, it has somehow etched itself into my life. Maybe I should start asking for a miracle instead, but I doubt that will happen. This is the beauty of life, it is ugly. And one can only knows the meaning of beauty AFTER you have known ugly, because without knowing ugly, there is no way for you to recognize beauty even when you see one. Am I making sense or am I not? This is how my brain looks like right now. Kanasai!

To be continued...

Cactus...

I bought some cactus that caught my attention at the pasar tamu near Satok yesterday. I am delighted at the uniqueness of these cactus.. so much so that I bought 6 of them one go... You can see them here:-








I'm gonna transfer them over to new bigger pots tonite. I hope they can survive well under my care. Muahahaha *evil grins*

ICT Fair at OneTJ

Went to ICT Fair at OneTJ around noon time just now. The fair started on 29 July - 2 Aug, I think.. cause I just glanced through the newspaper this morning(didn't really paid much attention to details). Anyway, the duration of the fair is... somewhat weird. A normal PC fair ususally takes 3 days, no more no less. At least that's the way it is here. So, why advertise in the paper on the third day and not the first? Or before?

I found out later on how empty OneTJ is, even with an ongoing so called ICT Fair. As usual, they throw in some cheap stuffs - memory card reader at RM1.90 and A4 Tech mouse at RM9.90. So hurry up before it runs out! The rest are just the usual stuffs, LCD monitors, speakers and whatnots. The card reader is restricted to 1 perchase per customer and is only available to the first 100 buyers. Latecomers will get the usual price, I think they are set at RM9.90. Anyway, I bought 2 of them for my sisters, and yeah, you guessed it right, the mouse is for my sis as well. I found her mini-mouse's wheel somewhat not functioning properly. But being the poor chap I am, I can only afford a 9.90 mouse for her. T_T

Actually, I was worried that we won't be able to buy those card readers. They were sold out like hot cakes during the previous PC fair and since I reckoned today is the 3rd day of the ICT Fair, chances of me getting them is slim. But hell, instead of 1, I got 2. Unbelievable.

Since they are so cheap, I just grab them without even looking much. Upon closer scrutiny at home though, I found that the card readers are of Tecom brand. My heart sank cuz I DO NOT believe in Tecom brands. They suck and they break like within days of using them.

I ever used a mouse and keyboard of Tecom made - supplied by the silly management who entrusted the job of purchasing to a bunch of sly foxes who cheats at every chances that they got - the mouse went bonkers within 3 days of usage and the keyboard only lasted 5 days.

Having said all that, I hope the damn cheap card reader will survive longer than its worth of money. Sheesh!

This is life...

Warning - emo post. You'll be getting lotsa emo posts as of late. I can't hold them in anymore.

~~~

I popped back up again. And this time for good reason. During my absence, I've noticed several followers tagging me. Being a bit blur myself, I am unsure to the reason why they tagged me, because most of them are from twitter. I remember removing twitter box from my blog due to some problems (I can't remember exactly what, oh dear). Then I found out that I added my blog address to my twitter, so I figured whoever added me must have noticed my blog somehow. I'm a klutz. I don't even remember doing that. But people are still reading my blog, albeit the number is somewhat small.

Life has been EXTREMELY rough this year. In fact, the Golden Ox year is the worst year in my whole life (no kidding). I've been through so much, the experiences are making me numb to the very core.

I had wanted to blog about them, but I'm not ready yet. Right now, I'm ready to blog again, but I won't talk about them till I'm ready. What this literally means is that I'll be blogging about anything else but these until I am ready. Hmm... this is confusing, no?

I used to think that life is useless, meaningless existence. You're born into this world, eat, play and sleep, grows up, studied half dead, then worked your ass off only to find that suddenly you're an old, dried up wrinkled raisin that's equivalent to being dead. So you played, worked, lived and died. And along came pain, anger, sadness, happiness, and all those craps in between. So what?

At the tender age of 10, my conclusion of life is that human kinds are better off dead, this world totally wiped out, leaving a total darkness to befall this empty space. That spells peace, somehow. Right?

10 years later I found a new meaning to life. No words can describe that.

Another 10 years later, I am like : Oh fuck, everybody is better off dead anyway, including me. There's just too much pain. Damn.

Perhaps I am being too emotional. Oh yeah, I am sensitive. Straightforward. I said the truth even when it hurts. But hell, who the fuck appreciates that. =.=''

I hope God's new kingdom comes quick. At this point, the Humans are beyond help. The Ga-Men is corrupt. The Politeeshens are idiots and law exists to protect the bad people. Mou Ngan Tai.

Life SUCKS!!!

Hypocrites

Dictionary.com defines Hypocrite as...

hyp⋅o⋅crite

–noun

1.	a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

2.	a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

---

Origin:
1175–1225; ME ipocrite < class="ital-inline">hypocrita < class="ital-inline">hypokrits a stage actor, hence one who pretends to be what he is not, equiv. to hypokr(nesthai) (see hypocrisy ) + -tēs agent suffix

Related forms:

hyp⋅o⋅crit⋅i⋅cal, adjective

hyp⋅o⋅crit⋅i⋅cal⋅ly, adverb

Synonyms:
deceiver, dissembler, pretender, pharisee.

If you ask me, I'd say that hypocrites are the most despicable people in this world. The goody-two-shoes, the self-acclaimed righteous person who never acts or do what they preach. The people who thought that they are better and on higher grounds when in actual fact, they belong to the deepest-rock-bottom-pit-of-hell.

The best example I can give here are those people who chided me for cussing. Allright, I do cuss, I swear, I curse - in multiple languages in fact. So what?! At least I am honest, straightforward and direct. I don't pretend, I don't tell lies, I don't act nice at the front and then go and stab people at their backs, killing them off silently, like cowards. I don't kiss asses, I don't lick boots, and no, I don't angkat pelir. I'm 101% sure I'm better than those bitches who NEVER swear or curse but expertly manipulates people and situations into their advantages, back-stab people and "friends" alike, tell lies and God-knows how many tonnes of other horrible stuffs.

I'm proud to say that I cuss because I'm angered by the injustices that I see in daily lives. I am upset by the way some people behaves. I am perturbed that the society nowadays has degraded to such inconsiderable behaviours. I stand high and tall and I do not waver just because I called an asshole ASSHOLE and a bitch BITCH because they are what I called them, precisely.

You don't like me just because I cuss?

Then go bang your silly-mutated-retarded-sorry-excuse of a head to the wall and die already. Like FUCK I care.

Hurry up and go rot in some corner of the hell, cuz that's exactly where you belong. Geez!!!

Long absence.. and lonnnggg story...

Whoa... that's a super long absence! I'm surprised that my blog is still here.

*peeks*

By now I'd have expect it to just disappear into thin air - as most things did after a while of inactivity. Besides, it has been so long.

Well, my blogging brain is up and running again so I guess I'll start blogging, again.

I do wonder though... how long is it gonna stay this time?

What do you think? ~___^

Hopeless...

Today is probably one of the worst day of my life. Never in my life had I ever felt so hopeless. So mad. So pissed off. So speechless. So dumbfounded. Bewildered. Unbelievable.

OH MY GOD.

If only I was the one in charge.
If only I was the one in authority.
If only I was there.
If only I was given the mandate.
If only I was given the chance!

Why can't they perform?
Why can't they deliver?
Why can't they just DO what they claimed they can do?
Why can't they solve meagre, insignificant, peanut, chicken feet problems?
Why can't they think?
Why don't they think?
Why is it that they never think?
Why don't they just USE their BRAINS?!

Geeez.. someone please point a gun at me and SHOOT ME DEAD. I really mou-ngan-tai. I can't bear to see all these nonsense. Shit.

Seriously, I sincerely believe that even snails crawl faster and have better brains than these bunch of morons. UGH!!!!

My Laptop is dead...

I'm sad to announce the death of my beloved laptop. It's barely 2 years old. It has worked very very hard for me. Thus the tragic ending. =P Well.. actually it was attacked by spywares, blaster worms AND trojans. Seriously I'm still quite 'blur' about the origin of all these attacks. I've been visitting my favourite sites (paultan.org and gsmarena, among a few) when my poor poor lappy was attacked viciously by all these slimes. T_T

My poor lappy stopped breathing last night. I was really sad cause of the huge collection of anime that died together with it. Oh well, maybe I'll get it opened up tomorrow.

Am blogging thru my pda. At least I can still manage. Otherwise I'll feel really handicapped. hahaha

Blocked again?

I've got a problem. I think. I'm having problem thinking up the title for the post I'm making. Is that a sign that my brain is slacking or am I just being plain plain lazy?

=P

I don't know. I hope someone will tell me. I'd appreciate that very very much.

How's your day today? Mine is... hectic. It's frustrating to realize that no matter how tired I am, I just can't afford to divert my eyes elsewhere for even a nanosecond cuz everything starts falling apart the moment I took a breather.

T_T

That is just so so so dreadful. Wei.. I'm not a robot. I'm human also. Why can't I rest? Why can't things just fall into place for just even once? Why is it that I always have to be at the heart of things???

If I have to keep doing all those things I've been doing all these while non-stop, I'm sure my heart will stop beating at the tender age of 30s.

Both my mobile phones batteries went flat before I even reach home today. Too many calls, too many sms-es, too many updates. Does that mean I better go buy another phone? You know, to act as backup. And I have to keep at least 5 pieces of RM50 reload cards in my wallet. I once reloaded RM130 on the spot and it was still not enough. Oh dear. My pocket is emptying fast. I'll start eating grass very very soon. T_T . If my deal is not sealed. Soon. *sigh*

One of my deal is getting really close to being sealed. I hope it seals tonight. Then I can relax for a bit and maybe try and get back to my normal sleeping pattern. Damn deal is killing me. Shhh.. sorry, can't tell you what deal it is about but I assure you.. it's definitely not drugs. Hahaha.. it is a legal deal and I'm just being a bitch for not telling you. At the same time, I want to experience for myself the thrills of keeping secrets. I used to be very transparent, honest and trustworthy. The thing is, I always have to keep secrets for my friends and not the other way around. I don't have much secrets to keep anyway cause I always tell people things but at least, this time, I want to keep this a secret.

Are you dying to know what's the secret deal now?

Kekeke..

I

AM

NOT

telling

you...

^___~

Hello World II

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I mean, it's been ages. I almost forgot the existence of this blog all together. That's mean of me eh? *sigh*

Well, life has been tough. Very tough. I've been so busy working, I hardly get enough sleep anymore (do you call 3 hours sleep a day enough?) and I'm starting to feel like a zombie.

*looks back and slaps head*

I need my life back!!!

Haven't gone to cinema in a while. What's currently showing?

I think the latest movie I've watched is Wall-E. Nope. I didn't watch it in the cinema. It's not shown here yet, right? Or have I missed it? Anyway, Wall-E is cute, adorable and a romantic at heart. He sounds kinda ancient, looks ancient and feels ancient to me. But I like him for the way he is. Awww...

So, let me update you on the latest happenings in my life, kay?

• I moved to a new house. Me and my whole family. It's a huge semi-d with a huge compound. Each of us got a room of our own, except for my parents, haha. They have to share. Kekeke... Has always been a dream of ours to have a house with large compound mainly to park all those cars that we have. I ended up buying a Viva cuz my old house compound can only house 2 cars at best. Really can't imagine buying a Honda Civic just to have it parked outside. My heart will be torn into two and I'll be constantly worrying about its wellbeing. Awww...
• I quit my job. It's affecting my life cause I was so stressed and my instincts warned me that the unnecessary built-up pressure is really not worth working my ass off day in and day out. The job demand is crazy and totally impossible (only superman can do it). If I can make it possible then I may as well go open my own company. Aiseh...
• Hahaha. Talk about opening my own company! Does that mean that I can actually do what's expected of me but I didn't do it because I just don't feel like doing it? Meanie! Hahaha.. Actually I did plan to setup some sort of business. My calculations told me that the amount of time I spent slaving myself to some big boss is not worth anything because when you compare the profit margin earned by the company/big boss to the salary that they pay you, it is so meager and does not play any significance at all. If that is the case, I wanna be the boss too! I finally setup my company with a business partner. Finding a business partner is SO HARD! And I am especially happy with the Company Number cause it has all the *p.r.o.s.p.e.r.i.t.y* number inside. I hope the company really prospers. Hahaha..
• Since I setup my company I have been working on numerous deals but alas, none of them has materialized, yet. Some looks very promising but there are various other factors that control and determine the nasib of the ending. All I can do is just work hard, do my best and leave the rest to God. Hahaha.. God! Please help!!!

So, those are the major updates of my life. They seem to be nothing much but they mean a whole lot to me. Quitting my job and setting up a company is considered a very big deal to me so I'm really surprised that I actually had the guts to proceed when everything else seems so dark and uncertain. The darkness is there but I hope that whatever torchlight and candles that I bring with me is enough to guide me till the end of the tunnel. Nothing comes easy and it is even more true that nothing is free. Only God's love is free and unconditional. I mean, how many of us here can do things unconditionally? None. There is none. If you can, please enlighten me. ^___^

This post doesn't sound like me at all, eh? I'm all serious and work now. Had always been like this but didn't show much when I socialize cause I'd still show my crazy personality. Now? It's time for change. Change is good, no?

Hot spell in Kuching

Jeezzz... it has been so HOT for the past two weeks. If I pray hard enough, if all of us pray hard enough, can we have snow here please?

*bats eyes*

Purreetttyyy puuuleeeezzzzeee??

Why is it so hot???

*looks around*

Ohh.. some retards are doing open burning, AGAIN.

They never learn do they?

On the other hand, what has the enforcers do about this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

No fines. All talk no work.

Same ol' shit.

D-y-s-f-u-n-c-t-i-o-n-a-l.

I-n-e-f-f-i-c-i-e-n-t.

I-n-c-o-m-p-e-t-e-n-t.

L-a-z-y-b-u-m-s.

R-e-t-a-r-d-s.

A-s-s-h-o-l-e-s.

Ptfff.

...

Tax : Is it worth paying?

I hate tax. I hate paying them. I mean what for? Just open your eyes wide wide and see what the government is using our hard earned money for.

Do they spend them wisely? No.

Paying hundred of millions just to buy the stupid ink from India all for the sake of a just election? Well, just my ass. I don't even see it used here. Haha. That's right. I voted and I didn't get my fingers/hands inked just to prove that I've voted. I wonder where did all those money go to???

One of the other reason that makes me so tu-lan is by sending monkey Ma into space. A so called astronut. What a waste of our damn money.

Look all around you. Do you see sampah bersepah all over the city/town? Yes. It's not clean at all. It's not presentable. Is the council doing their jobs? I saw how they do their jobs. Especially those sweepers. Instead of sweeping up the rubbish and tree leaves and whatnots, they swept it into the drainage holes by the roadside. Rubbish, leaves and everything. Don't they know that they are clogging the drains?? Nope. They have no brain cells. Their brain cells are either dead, half dead, damaged beyond repair, malfunctioned or MIA (Missing In Action). The least we can do is sympathize at them.

Instead, what did the government do when there's flash flood? What exactly did our leaders say when asked for comments about those floods?

*opens ears wide wide*

*turns volume up loud loud*

The engineers should do a better job at designing the road.

Oh sweet Lord. Please bury some wisdom into those half-brained assholes, even if it is just a speck of dust. Obviously, they are retards. I have no respects for retards. I can't, for the life of me, respect people with monkey brains, donkey brains and whatever it is that they have in their brains. Perhaps they are showing early symptoms of Parkinson disease? Brain damage at birth?

Shouldn't they be looking at those smart sweepers, or the so-called council workers? Why don't they go and dig out all those rubbish that they have plugged into the holes. Why don't they go and check if the road has been constructed in accordance to approved engineering drawings or not? Why don't they go and check whether the job was actually awarded to qualified Contractors who actually know their shits or not? Why don't they go and check and see with their own shit-plastered-eyes what exactly is going on?

Tell me again, why on earth do I have to pay tax that will be used to ensure that these fucked-up-pieces-of-good-for-nothings stay alive through the hardest and darkest moments of their pathetic lives???

I am no saint. And I refuse to be a saint for them donkeys. But rules are rules. Although it is very tempting to break them. Shall I?

Oh damn it. I still haven't fill in that forsaken Tax form. The root of all evil. Evil things are done because they know that there are money. Money comes from citizen. Whether it is hard earned or robbed, it is still money. And money is the root of all evil. Why can't they issue the fucking rule that ensures robbers to fill in the goddamn Tax form too? Robber is a form of profession. Come on dude, they did their jobs too. So why the fuck aren't they taxed? They live here, they breath the same air we do, they do their jobs, they get their money, and yet they are roaming free out there, spending as they wish, enjoying their motherfucking lives much more than we do, and they don't even have to pay the cheebye tax.

And even if they managed to get caught, the government is using our tax money to feed these motherfuckers in jail. Yep. Free nasi kari + drinks + room + transport. And whether the fuel price goes up or not, they are still fed.

We paid so much, and yet we don't feel safe. Crime rate is shooting up like there's no tomorrow. Everyday, people suffers and some dies. Murder cases. Amok cases. Robberies and rape cases.

Do you see our good policemen patrolling the cities and residential areas? Nope. I see them at kopitiam-s. Minum kopi. Taking their sweet time enjoying the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Or I see them hiding at some dark corners of the road. You and I both know what they are up to lar. Especially if it's near the mid or end of the month.

And before I forget, the numbers of fake policeman are rising as well. It doesn't matter if you know law or not. It doesn't matter if you know your rights or not. All it takes is for them to round you up, and scare you shitless into giving them whatever it is that they want, and they will escape, unhurt. Roaming around, freerer than birds. The same won't happen to you though. You'll be lucky if you're not hurt in the process. The law doesn't give a damn even if you get hurt in such cases. And if you hurt them(the baddies) in self defense, somehow the law will manage to come back and bite you at your butt faster than the law can go bite their nuts. Why? There is no justice lar. Justice my ass. You nailed them in self defense, then they will later on come back and haunt you: How come you have this in your house? Then you'll be facing charges of "mempunyai senjata berbahaya" shitty stories. And then your butt will be chewed and chewed till there is no more to chew and then they will move to your bones.

And oh, this is a bit out of topic, but I really can't help but marvel at paikia-s. Sometimes. I believe they are doing better jobs than police. I believe that they can do better jobs than police. Esp in terms of people tracking and investigation works. You won't believe their networkings man. And they are better equipped and more knowledgeable than the law enforcers.

Man. The world is indeed fucked up. Our government is fucked up. Our leaders are fucked up. Our systems are fucked up. Did I miss anything? What else are fucked up? What else aren't?

Tu-lan nye. Ma-deh.

-___-''

Maybe I should change my profession. Perhaps I should quit. Join mafia is better. Anything with power is better. Aiii...

Damn sien. I'm seriously disappointed. Words can't even begin to describe how I actually feel right now.

Pttfff...

Nim's Island

Just came back from watching Nim's Island. It's entertaining all right, but to be really frank, this could have been better if it's fully animated instead of being done ala live action movie. Has it been done otherwise, I'm sure the magic and charm will work its way into the hearts of the viewers and leave a longer, lasting impressions than... what it currently does now.

But...

But but but... I really enjoyed the animals' cute, adorable AND funny behaviours! I especially love Fred (the lizard or was it iguana? Okok, I think it's a lizard; It's cheeky, kay-poh demeanor really adds a twist of fun in whatever situation it is in..) and the turtle (I'm a BIG fan of turtles, don't ask me why.) I also luv the scene where Fred climbed onto the turtle's head (at the opening of the movie) which irritates the turtle so much *snickers*

Oh, you'll hear Nim's (Abigail Breslin) voice narrating about how those two enjoyed irritating one another. Haha

Ok. Back on track. I concentrated too much on the animals. I mean, it's not everyday you see a sea lion that knows how to play football, a lizard that enjoys being catapulted into the enemy's zone, trying to act like a flying dragon, and a pelican by the name of Galileo, that happens to know just about everything a person needs in every situation. Yep. Sounds too good to be true eh?

The real story of Nim's Island is this : It's a secluded world, secretly owned (or at least they swear that they owned it) by only Nim and her father, Jack Rusoe (Gerard Butler) - a famous scientist or a marine microbiologist to be exact, who's so crazy about the one celled microorganism (I forgot what it's called) that his life revolves around it. It appears that he loses interest in whatever thing that has more than one cell (except his deceased wife and Nim). He's also a writer who occassionally writes in National Geographic about his fantastic little volcano in that tiny little island of his.

They built this amazing hut-like home, complete with electricity (solar powered) and internet connection (satellite linked). Nim grows up there learning everything about the nature through her own observations and interactions with the animals, and anything else (science, history and fictions) through endless supplies of books and internet and from her father. Her close friends includes Fred (the lizard), Galileo (the pelican) and ummm.. what's-its-name? (the sea lion).

And oh, they got their supplies of food and whatnots from a monthly supply ship, which I suppose is the ONLY ship that knows the exact location of the island.

Nim adores and worships Alex Rover, a hero who's very Indiana Jones-alike, born from Alexandra Rover's (Jodie Foster) wild figment of imagination. Alexandra Rover is one helpless agoraphobic writer who excels in writing. Does that make sense? Oh. In case you don't know, agoraphobic means she's agoraphobia : an abnormal fear of being in crowds, public places, or open areas, sometimes accompanied by anxiety attacks. She can't even get herself to open her apartment's door into the outside world. My goodness. Perhaps her confinement in her apartment gives birth to such vivid, wild and wonderful-totally out of this world imagination? Perhaps that's why she can write so well, express herself so well. She's so successful that she has her novels being translated into 62 (did I get it right?) different languages, sold worldwide. So successful, and yet so weird?

I can't help but shaking my head in disbelief among the fits of laughter while watching Jodie Foster's frantic, murderously dangerous comedy acts. Never has it crossed my mind that she can do comedy. And believe me, it doesn't sit well in my mind. I'm so used to her doing the full action-packed movies that watching her doing comedy is like watching Jim Carrey fully transforming himself into a Terminator. It's just way too opposite.

Oh well. To cut a long story short, Alex Rover found out that she has indeed been exchanging emails with a 11-year old Nim, whom she's mistaken to be Jack Rusoe's assistant, who's left all alone in the island when her father went out in search of his one celled microorganism and was stranded somewhere with a badly damaged boat and constantly being helped out by Galileo, the pelican. Alex somehow embarked on a journey to go and save Nim, only to be turned away when Nim found out that she's a woman instead of a he. By the way, Nim's the one who saved Alex when she's about to drown.

Jack somehow managed to go back to Nim safely. He met Alex, it's love at first sight, and the rest is left to your imagination. How does that sound to you?

My verdict? It's an okay movie. At least, it's better than Jumper. At least, I'm enthralled by the animals antics and Abigail Breslin's wonderful performance. I can't believe she's born in 1996. She's so petite and well, I really believed she's a 11-year old. Gerard Butler did a somewhat okay job as Jack Rusoe and also Alex Rover. I must be so blur because I didn't know both roles were done by him until I checked and double checked just now. Jodie Foster? I like her better in anything other than comedy. Her comedy acts are laughable, but it's just so unlike her. THAT just won't sit still in my mind no matter how much I adore her.

My ratings? I give it a 7 out of 10. If you are an adult with a childlike imagination, you'll somehow enjoy this movie. Old folks too will enjoy it, I believe. If you're a kid, you'll definitely enjoy it. If you're a pure adult, then this movie will probably sucks big time so you better not be heading to the cinema to buy the tickets for this movie.

Pssttt. Don't blame me if you don't like the movie. I'm just being frank, ok?

Worries worries worries

I hate it when my phone rings. I hate it more when it rings at odd hours. I hate it even more if the number seems suspicious.

If I ignored it, would the ringing stop?

If I ignored it, would it stop whatever godforsaken news the caller bear from reaching me?

It's just a matter of time isn't it? Whether the news is bad or good, comes late or early, I'll still have to deal with it, right?

And yep. It's bad news all right. Whatever I don't wanna hear is bad news for me. Whatever I don't welcome IS bad news for me.

Did I make the wrong decision back then? Should I take them back?

I wouldn't.

Should I turn back time, unwind everything and undone everything?

What for?

Have I screwed up big time? Did I? OMFG!!! What the hell am I supposed to do? And to think that I did, actually, spent the whole night pacing up and down in my room, without sleep till morning came. I made my decision then. I was firm with it. I refused to back down.

That you certainly did.

Has it come back to haunt me?

Perhaps...

Shit.

I wish I have some lady luck with me. I need it. No kidding.

I wish I have some support. Some advice.

I wish someone or somebody would comfort me. Console me. Be with me. By my side. Assure me that everything will be okay.

Everything will be all right...

It's not your fault. It never was... so be strong...

But what if I really made the wrong choice? At such bad timing?! Pffftt!! Things couldn't get worse than this. Wait. Maybe they could. Oh fuck.

I hate dilemmas. I hate problems. I hate being strong. I hate being tough. I hate being in control. Cause that means making decisions. And if I made the wrong decisions, I'm seriously as good as dead.

What's the use of being the best troubleshooter if I can't solve my own damn problems?

*hopelessness*

*emptiness*

The darkness is all around me. Sometimes, I feel like falling apart. Perhaps permanent malfunction sounds like a good idea after all.

But no. I'm too prideful for that. I'll never go down that path if I can help it.

But really, I'm so tired. So so tired. Tired of the struggles. Tired of works and relationships. Tired of the relentless squabbles, the stupidity of the people that I encounter and deal with, the endless arguments, the senseless talks, the unnecessary pressures from all directions, the sky high expectations. I'm tired of everything. Today, I feel like breaking down, letting the darkness and hopelessness swallowing me alive. Engulfing me in the never-ending suffocation. The feeling of utter helplessness. My energy is draining out. My flames nearly put out for good.

Dear God. What have I done to deserve such endless torrents of onslaught? Enough already. I'm at my limit. I can take no more.

Just let me rest, okay?

I hope tomorrow never comes...

*crawls into bed*

New Template!

I finally find myself a new template! I found it here. Oh I'm so happy! Zillion thanks to veerublog and infocreekblog. I'll put up the credits in my blog later on.

So, readers... what do you think of my blog's new look? Go on. Keep the comments coming in!

Are they morons or what?

I took some time off to accompany my mum to the bank today. We went to MayBank, since it's the nearest bank to our house. I've been wanting to open a savings account for my mum since AGES ago. Among the reasons are:-

• my dad has MayBank account
• my sisters have MayBank accounts
• I have MayBank account
• easier transactions (especially when my dad and I are travelling)
• it's a pain in the ass giving money to mum. Just bank it in, then she can't protest anymore, can she?
• to save money lor. What the heck. It's for saving purposes, right?

Guess what? The ah moi in charge of opening the savings account for my mum asked us several irrelevant, unbelievably stupid questions:-

Stupid ah moi : Why are you opening a savings account?
Me : o.O
Mum : O.O
Me : I beg your pardon?
Stupid ah moi : Why are you opening a savings account? (She has this bizarre shocked look on her stupid face)
Me : (With a very straight face) Answer me honestly please. What ELSE can you do with a savings account??!
Stupid ah moi : Errm... transferring commission you earned or something?
Me : How the hell does that make your question relevant??! Can we open the #$%#@ SAVINGS account or what?
Stupid ah moi : Yes of course.
Me : Then ? What's your problem?

My mum chastised me for answering the lady so rudely. The point is, MY POINT is.. what the fuck is she asking? Of course you open a savings account to save your money. Doesn't the name implies that?? What other fucking thing can you do with it? Fuck it with money?!

Really. I can't believe the ways those geniuses think. They must have short-circuited or something. Kanneh. This is like asking people "Eh, why do you breath ar?" Oii tolol. If I don't breath I'll die what. Kanneh. Where's your fucking brain? You eat shit and you shit rice is it???!!

--------------

The above incident reminded me of my experience with the stupid bankers in UK back in my Uni years. One of them is this:-

Me : I want to close my savings account. Here are the documents.
Stupid moron banker : Do you want to take out all your money?

And he proceeded to stare at me lovingly. Which sent my blood boiling over 100 degrees. And all hell broke loose. Volcanoes erupted and the goddamn jerk was blown into thin air.

Me : OF COURSE I'M TAKING OUT ALL OF MY MONEY. WHO WOULDN'T WHEN THEY CLOSE THEIR BANK ACCOUNTS? ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? YOU FUCKED UP OR SOMETHING??? ARE YOU HIGH ON DRUGS?????

I remembered myself asking him those questions very very loudly and that earned me surprised looks from all the people inside the bank.

Stupid moron banker : Hey chill. I'm just asking okay...
Me : That's a FUCKING STUPID QUESTION okay! Do I look like an idiot??! Do you even know how to do the paperworks? Are you qualified to handle the job??!!

That embarrassed him no end. His face brightened to a shade of red brick and his supervisor was on his way over when he hurriedly went over and convinced him that everything is under control.

Shit.

Seriously. I believe they grow up eating shit, and when they shit, they shit out gold. What a wonderful world!

Friends normally call their friends by their names. Mine calls me by my surname. Most if not all.

It doesn't matter how many times I told them to call me by my name. It applies to colleagues as well.

They always ended up calling me by my surname.

To be more precise, they call me "Miss [my surname]".

I've given up wondering why. I got fed up with it.

Am I unfriendly?

What? My name doesn't suit me?

Why is it so hard for them to call my name?

Am I so unapproachable?

Do I bite?

Damn.